Compliments, Advice and Communication

Sometimes someone can give you a compliment that can change the way you deal with things ie change your life. I read an article about a woman who kept finding mice in her house. The exterminator said to her: "My, you're a brave woman!" She kept running this phrase through her head and everytime she felt like freaking out, she'd say to herself, "A brave woman wouldn't act like that"... and it changed the way she viewed mice. I have the biggest mousephobia in history btw. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself that one day, I WILL see a mouse here. But BH not yet. There are traps everywhere, but what should I expect? It's a really old huge house.

Y'know, it just goes to show, we should actually believe in bitachon. When I was in Seattle and knew a mouse was living in our house in the last few months that we were living there, I would daven really hard that I should never have the experience of seeing it. And looking back, I never did. I knew it was there because our poison collection was emptied out (which freaked me out for months) and one night I heard a scurry (which my brain will never be able to silence again). But look at that - I never did see one. If only I believed in my own prayers when I asked not to have to see it, I could've gotten rid of a lot of mouse anxiety. A LOT OF IT.

So recently someone very dear to me told me that I never yell at my kids. This is someone that sees me often. And I said, "Are you sure?" Because I definitely get to that breaking point. But this person said no, they have never heard me yell. No, I'm not perfect - I probably take it out in other ways that yellers wouldn't even dream of doing. But, now - when things get tough, and all 4 kids are screaming at the same time - I remember this line - "You never yell" and somehow I am able to pull through on the calm side. It's amazing what one compliment can do to a person. Next time you see something you don't like in someone, tell them that they are the opposite! See how quickly they change! (Menucha, you are such a good taster of new foods...) (For my sister's 4 year old: "You are just so good at controlling and holding in when you need to use the bathroom, I'm so impressed!")

Remember that good advice that people give? Here's another one that came from Seminary Girl. MAKE it a good night. Isn't that strong? When the kids come home from camp, the day can either go one way or the other. Either it can be lots of whining, headache Mom and we struggle to get through the day and count down the hours until bedtime OR I can MAKE it a good evening. Turn on music, we can dance together and sing, we can smilingly get dinner ready together and everyone can laugh their way to bed. Instead of waiting to see what day occurs, get up off your tushy and MAKE it the day that you want.

(I don't get to blog often. So I take notes about things I feel like writing about, that's why there are a few random topics in here!)

Penina is such a good communicator BH. Over Tisha B'av when I got a lot of time to rest and read, and she played around me, I realized what a good baby she is BH BH BH POO POO POO. (That's Jewish for superstition, knock on wood type of things.) BH I can get a lot of things done around her. When she wants me, she looks at me with those big delicious eyes and I immediately know what she wants. She lays down nicely when I put her to bed, and if she can't fall asleep, she yells for me. When I come into the room, she looks at me with those big eyes and the eyes are saying, "Hold me. I can't sleep. I need some love." I can practically hear everything she says, because she looks at me so intently.

Then I had this thought -- if my 10 month old can communicate - ISN'T EVERYBODY COMMUNICATING?! duh. So that child that sits on my couch in wet clothes, and picks at her booboos until she makes a hole in her skin, and rubs my bathroom soap all over the sink, and leaves wet tissues in the sink drain, and uses up all the new lotion in one day and pokes holes in the plate before dinner is also communicating????? Maybe I need to think about those huge eyes and realize that they all are communicating, just in very different ways.

Two more days of camp............. then Camp Mommy for 4 weeks (with a break to visit Monsey in the middle IYH). I'm prepared, I think. I have schedules and some new paint, birdseed and a new sprinkler. But, am I really prepared? I know I can do this, because Hashem knows it. I think I can, I think I can.... I hope I make it!
Sara

My neighborhood

I didn't think I would change, but I put away one of my skirts, so maybe I am. I go downstairs to this "ahavas Yisroel" thingy once a week and I felt so exposed, knee-wise that I figured I should stop wearing that skirt. At least I still have my tichels. Although I stopped decorating them - it was annoying and no one else does it, so there's no one to impress about which tichel goes together with which. There's no need to impess here anyway. I noticed a few kids with shoes that are completely falling apart. I asked one of them if she's getting new shoes, so said, "No, my mother says we'll get new shoes when these don't work for me and since they still work..." I want to offer her some of our many pairs, but her mother might get insulted.

Across the street from me lives this Asian couple with a set of their parents. They have a 1 year old. Their house looks like all the houses on my side of the street, except that it's so incredibly put together. The parents work and the grandparents look after the kid together. For fun, the grandparents rinse their outside garbage and recycling bins with their hose. They work on their grass and bushes daily. This is such a contrast to my side of the street that it's like Hashem put them there on purpose! My house is the first house on my side. The outside looks horrendous. Any money that has been put into the house goes for the inside. There are ten kids living in the house, between mine and my downstairs family. There is always at least 4 bikes lying around somewhere. (This is so nice for me, to be able to leave a mess outside. That condo in Seattle gave us so much pressure to clean up IMMEDIATELY after the kids played with anything.) Next door to me is another house that looks like it's falling apart. There are 4 floors in that house. The basement is filled with instruments where one of the men gives lessons. The next floor houses a family of 5 plus their elderly parent. The next floor has another family with children ages 8,4,3,1 and newborn and the top floor houses the children's clothes Gemach.

And the house after that is my favorite -- the mom is due this summer with her 12th child IYH. They share a house with a single woman and also with a family who's mom is due this summer and they have kids ages 1, 2 and 3. The kids in that large family are so sweet. The oldest is "seminary girl" who is now sending nightly chizuk texts to me (and 40 other people, she claims.) I heard they are extremely organized and have triple bunk beds (hi Tova!) but I don't know when I will ever get the pleasure of going into their house. I don't think they do guests.

My point was this: I was at the library and one of the large families from around here came in. That mom just had her 12th child too. The mom was big and pregnant and she came in, put her feet up and relaxed. I looked over and saw 5 teenage girls with her! She said they were ages 12, 13, 15, 16 and 17. They each had a few little ones in tow and they came to the library to collect their prizes for finishing their summer reading charts. I asked one of the girls if she goes to camp. Her response was "No way!" She said she spends her days reading and doing chores. Her mom thought about it and said, "Yeah, that's pretty much what they do." The kids were so well behaved. One picked up bubbles from the prizes and the other said, "Mommy doesn't let that" and she put it right back. I asked about it, "My mother doesn't like messy things." Then they all got books and sat and read to eachother. They were so sweet and it all looked like it was running so smoothly.

Then there's me - with my clingy son who was arguing about getting books for twice his age. I'm thinking, I have one kid who's giving me a headache, does this woman EVER have that? I looked around at some of the other moms. There were about 3 moms with one or two kids each. One was tantruming, another was whining and the moms looked tired and fed up. What does this tell you?? HAVING A MILLION KIDS IS WAY EASIER THAN HAVE ONE OR TWO!! At least it looks that way from the outside:)

I'll leave you with a gem of a thought that I came up with while giving Penina her bottle before her nap. "I may be exhausted and falling on my face, but at least I am exactly where I've always wanted to be."

house pictures

As per request, here are my house pictures. This is the view from the living room through the dining room

That's me, preparing the days lunches in the kitchen

I tried to capture the uniqueness of the house. This is a window in a small closet

there's our front door (it leads to a windy staircase that leads to another door to outside)

the office/den/future playroom? with all its windows...

dining room

staircase leading upstairs to kids' area

the upstairs, it's really one big attic room divided into lots of little areas/rooms

shelves to hold toys in the attic area

just showing how the walls don't reach to the ceiling

this is the staircase to get back downstairs

stairs going down the maids' quarters (that's what it feels like, it's really going to the downstairs family!)

surprise! it's us!

Lonely Mom Needs Friend

Today I'm blogging (and taking up precious houseworking Penina sleeping time) because I'm craving friendship contact. I walked the kids to camp and smiled at all the kids and grownups, but everyone is just so new and so not familiar. There's a certain niceness to living somewhere for a long time and just knowing everyone and being familiar with people. It's like watching a TV show and knowing the characters really well. I'm still part of a new TV show and I'm patiently waiting to get "into it".


Moving is really more difficult friendwise than we think. How do you jump from pleasantly smiling and answering questions about how much is unpacked and how the kids are settling in, to really having a real conversation? Or being able to be weird and people loving you for it?


I'm clueless on how to feed a growing 9 month old who doesn't nurse. Never had that before. I used to feed unwilling to eat babies and then just nurse them for nutrition and hunger. So this morning I made egg salad and then wondered if maybe I should add avocado because she doesn't like avocado by itself. Then I threw in random spices and it was so delicious that I put it in my own bagel and I'm eating it now. Throughout the experiments though, I texted a friend, sister and mom to ask about their opinions. One was interested and we had a whole discussion about food for babies. Another said yuck and wondered what color it would be (grey) and then said that she's eating avocado with sauerkraut. And the third said "yum". This is me being me with  my old familiar people. If I randomly texted someone in Prov, they'd be like "this woman is strange".


Speaking of random texts - Seminary girl has been texting me nightly now with great chizuk texts! First, it's so nice to know texting exists in Providence, the computer-less world. I love that little ding that means someone is thinking of me. Second, late at night is when I usually feel exhausted and kind of depressed looking around at my huge mess and wondering when I'll be able to get a handle on things. To get a text that says, "Make it a beautiful night and remember Hashem is in control!" is really helpful at that time of night. I could probably give her a long list of people to add to her nightly chizzuk lines! If only she was more my age, maybe we'd actually get along... But then, some people marry someone twenty years younger than them. Why would she be interested in an old lady with 4 kids? I must be desperate.


Anyway, it takes time to be able to be your own strange self. I don't let Mo wear his ties to school anymore, because he needs to be normal first before starting in on that foot. Yes he can wear his green crocks on Shabbos, and his blue TDS uniform shirt on Shabbos, but no - the bathrobe/bekeshe and basket/streimel on his head have to stay home. Maybe in a few months. It's funny, he won't get in Shabbos clothes on Friday because people will laugh and wonder why he's in Shabbos clothes when it's not Shabbos, but he will wear a basket on his head to be chassidish. (I'm looking for a toy streimel for Purim.)


And now back to housework. Big houses are roomier but  way more work to clean. I need to stop blaming my kids for all the messes even though it's them that made them. That sounds confusing. If they made it, who else should I blame?