One week away from school starting... I'm not even sure how many weeks we had at home this year, definitely more than any other summer. I know I am a stay-at-home mom person and I value having my children around me and me being their sole caregiver, HOWEVER I am just not creative. Too much organization takes away from creativity. And having this age range of kids at home for so long is just draining. We don't have a car, (which I can blame it on as much as I want, because I probably wouldn't drive them too many places even if I did!), we don't know of too many places or know too many people, so we are just home, home, home.
Hashem gave me a huge bracha of a person that I became close with - yes, it's none other than Seminary girl herself. Throughout my Mommy camp, I had this background texting of constant inspiration and humor to have and it helped me be able to do this tremendous undertaking (Yes, of taking care of my own children!) but now alas, she left back to Israel and suddenly I'm realizing how much she had helped me get through these days. All of a sudden, there's no one to text "ahhhhh I can't do this!" to. There's only so much my mother wants to hear from me, when five of her other children are texting her similar things:)
Last night I suddenly realized, happiness has to come from within. We can't always rely on outside sources to make us happy. Sometimes we do and when that outside source is taken away, we don't know how to deal with it. It's like empty-nest syndrome in a way. Who will we be when our children are all grown up and don't need us anymore? Do I need to be needed all the time? I definitely AM needed by 3 little ones, but it's nice to be needed by an adult who can communicate more than just her needs.
This is what Mommy Camp feels to me now. Like long days of everyone being creative, but leaving their creative trails of everything around them. As much as I try to teach them to put things away, it just doesn't work. I am one person, trying valiantly to pick up toys, markers, papers and what-not from every room only to find that the previous room is a mess again. I feel depleted of creativity, absolutely zero ideas left, except to go to Target, spend money and buy every art project they sell. As I don't have a car OR the means to spend that money, that just won't work.
I love my kids and I love having them around. I just wish their days were mapped out by someone else, instead of me. The positive to all this is, I love when my kids have time to be creative and play every single game that pops into their head. During the school year, it hurts me to see their creativity and free time stifled by school and homework. I love that we can work on things together and we can learn to be around each other ALL the time. We learn how we all live, how to be together and really live as a family. That part is nice:)
