It's an exciting day, just the fact that it's my birthday. Some years I just don't care, but this year I felt excited and rejuvenated by the thought that I came into being on this day. Maybe it's just my happy mood because all three of my older kids are out all day for the first time ever. It leaves me room to think and be.
My first order of business is something I need to work on. We can call it a birthday hachlata if we must. It is incredibly hard though. Do not let Penina's sleep set the tone of my day. I would think it's pretty hard to "--wake up one morning after having gotten woken up a few times in the night, rocked and sang the baby back to bed and then woke up for the day at 5am, and dealt with a cranky baby together with normal morning children who have many needs" and have the same happy, cheerful day as a night like this: Put the kids to bed. Silence. Silence. Everyone sleeps. No one wakes up before 6am. I wake up on my own and find the house silent and everyone still sleeps. (I know my sentence structure could use some help, but there is no other way to express myself, I'm sure of it.)
Being the same cheerful happy person after both of those nights, in my book is utterly IMPOSSIBLE. If you can do it, let me know. At least I made myself conscious of it, and that's the first step.
As a birthday present, I am going to think of THE BEST ADVICE LINES that I have ever gotten and share them with you. You know, once in awhile, someone will just say something small in passing - but it is so monumental to that person personally, that without realizing it, they live their lives differently. Every person takes different ideas to reshape their thoughts, here are some of mine. Please think about it and Email me some of your's and I will share them with my blog world if I may.
"LET GO OF THE GUILT". Once in my adult years, I tried therapy. I hated it. The therapist was way too happy for me. She smiled too much. She also was Asian and totally did not get my life at all. She was shell-shocked by most of what I told her. But she did tell me this, Let Go of the Guilt. To this day, I just love that advice. So many moms say, "But I feel bad..." or after the fact they regret or feel guilty... it just works so well to let go of it all. I did it, it's done, NEXT. I may try to change the way I do it next time, but I will NOT feel guilty for what I just told my kid/ or did or whatever. Because then we just get lost in it and can't move on.
"I MARRIED THIS PERSON AND WHATEVER NEGATIVE QUALITIES I SEE, I NEED TO GET OVER BECAUSE I AM MARRIED TO THIS PERSON FOREVER." This was told to me by my very own husband. I don't know when or where but once he told me that he thought of this when seeing a negative thing in me early on in our marriage. Do you know --- to this day I stop and think about this often. What was it? What did he need to get over?!! Haha!! When I ask him, he doesn't remember. Riiight. But it is great advice. Why get annoyed when you see that extra long hair coming out of that birthmark? (Just an example, not a real-life one!) It will always be there and you will always have to see it, so move on.
"MY JOB IS TO CREATE A POSITIVE MARRIAGE FROM MY END." I blogged about this one and I made it up! Go me. I love this and it comes up sometimes when I want to get annoyed over something. I stop, breathe and remember that my job is me, not him.
I can't think of any more at the moment, but I am sure there are more. Be aware of them and let me know of your favorite advice lines!
And now for the best part, what I miss and don't miss about Seattle.
What I miss:
My friends. Today was my birthday and as I walked home by myself after taking the kids to camp, I thought about if I had even wanted to make a Game Night (which is what I did in the past few birthdays), who would I even invite here? These are just not Game Night people. I miss you guys!
I miss the moms coming outside with the kids in Seattle. The kids hang out a lot here, but the moms are always inside, making dinner or whatever it is that moms do.
Well. Can't think of anything else I miss. I think I'm gonna like it here!
What I don't miss:
The up and down weather. When it's hot here, it's hot. For awhile. Much easier to pick out clothes that way!
My squooshy house. BH I am done with that one, at least for awhile.
My husband being away overnight. Often.
The carpools and the driving everywhere. I took my kids to the library the other day, we walked! We walk to school, to shul, to Bnos groups and camp. They are all in the same building! Next door I have the shaitel lady, the babysitter, the children's clothes Gmach and the mikvah lady. Right next door! I will now publicly thank Hashem for this move to Rhode Island, with all its conveniences. And my parents and sister's family are coming for Shabbos, G-d willing. When's the last time we got to have that?! Boruch Hashem.
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Monday, June 22, 2015
Birthday Reflections?
It's 6am and I realized, Maybe now is the time to write... After all, Nini wakes up in the 5's and I'm not going back to sleep anyway. Mo is going to a full day at camp today. To set my standards low, I'm prepared that today is his only full day (9:30-3). When I tried to send him to a full day of school, he didn't even make it to the first full day and I had to pick him up every day at ten to twelve, instead of 3:30!
I texted his counselor yesterday who just returned from seminary. I needed to feel better by preparing her for him, my speech deprived, sensory filled child. After texting me back a beautiful message ("Thanks for telling me. I will make sure he has as little frustration as possible and do the best job that I can:), she then texted her brother which came to me by mistake. I learned through this that she is one of those real post-seminary girls who mentions Hashem in every sentence and really truly lives Him all the time.
When I was post-seminary, I was hanging out in someone's house in NY. There were two frum moms there and I must've said something holy and they laughed and said, "I remember those days! Oh, you young innocent ones, it never lasts! Once you have kids, you just realize there's a real life out there..."
Now I'm on the other side and thank G-d I don't feel that way!! Yes, I may have become more real, but I just want to hang around this girl and let some of her bitachon rub off on me!
Tonight is my birthday, that's usually my time of reflection. I'd love to reflect but Penina keeps chasing the computer and Moshe Leib woke up and is trying to tell me lots and lots of things in his exceptionally slow way, so back to real life it is. I'll be back... muhahhaha
I texted his counselor yesterday who just returned from seminary. I needed to feel better by preparing her for him, my speech deprived, sensory filled child. After texting me back a beautiful message ("Thanks for telling me. I will make sure he has as little frustration as possible and do the best job that I can:), she then texted her brother which came to me by mistake. I learned through this that she is one of those real post-seminary girls who mentions Hashem in every sentence and really truly lives Him all the time.
When I was post-seminary, I was hanging out in someone's house in NY. There were two frum moms there and I must've said something holy and they laughed and said, "I remember those days! Oh, you young innocent ones, it never lasts! Once you have kids, you just realize there's a real life out there..."
Now I'm on the other side and thank G-d I don't feel that way!! Yes, I may have become more real, but I just want to hang around this girl and let some of her bitachon rub off on me!
Tonight is my birthday, that's usually my time of reflection. I'd love to reflect but Penina keeps chasing the computer and Moshe Leib woke up and is trying to tell me lots and lots of things in his exceptionally slow way, so back to real life it is. I'll be back... muhahhaha
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
Fussy Eaters, Sleep Training and People who won't leave
I need advice. I have this one child who is an extremely fussy eater. Lately she is not eating any of our dinners. I play it pretty strict, by telling her that this is dinner and she can go to bed hungry or eat. I'm doing this because I want her to learn to taste new foods. I once met an adult who was picky, I thought that was so strange. I asked her what her mother did when she was younger and she said her mother always made her a different dinner of something that she liked. So of course this stuck in my head and now I will not do this. I know other people let their child have a go-to food that they can have instead of dinner. I feel if I do this, she will never even think to try dinner and will always go for that bowl of cereal immediately instead. But it's not like my way is working - she causes such drama at dinner by her tasting tiny bites and making a big deal out of it. She ends up saying forget it, and not eating.
We used to have dessert for those children who finished their plate. This worked for one child, he would eat quickly and get dessert. The fussy eater though, was very sad every night but it still didn't get her to eat. What would you do and how do you see this affecting her in the long run?
My next topic is that I feel so good to have a vocation! That's 'vo' not 'va'. That I can't have anymore as my in-laws don't live near me to take my kids anymore. (Having my tenth anniversary in a few weeks..) Anyway, the story is that when Menucha was 1, she was sleeping horribly. I was living at my parents and then we moved to Seattle after that. I treated her like a new-born and since I was living so precariously in someone else's home, (with a very young toddler too) I never got around to realizing that she was getting older. I rocked her to sleep and woke up all night at every sound she made to nurse her. I had no schedule and no knowledge of baby's sleep at all. It never mattered for the last kid - cuz she was the only one! By the time I moved to Seattle, I was miserable. She was one years old and I was waking up on the hour, every hour at night to nurse her. The first person we ate a meal at got to hear all about it. Hashem made her my messenger (thanks Sarah Simon!) to give me the book that changed my view on sleep. "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby" by Mark Weissbluth. Now anyone who knows me, knows that I follow this book like a bible. Every baby since has taken me deeper into the world of baby sleep patterns.
Penina has been the most fun. I started working on things from the moment I came home from the hospital. Then a friend of mine and I suddenly started texting our baby's sleep habits all day long and that went on for months! Slowly, through texting her, and watching Penina's every breath and move, and reading the book and comparing my last children, I feel like I'm gaining experience on becoming a sleep advice-giver. Now, I have people all over coming to me to ask for advice. It's so wonderful to be able to help people on one of the hardest things to deal with after having a baby - sleep. Plus I'm free and Batya the sleep coach is expensive! I'm still learning though and Hashem bh gives me lots of opportunities to learn with my own tough child. But I keep a very detailed sleep diary for her to help me.
Last but not least- I like moms that drop their kids off at the door and leave. Yesterday a mom sent a child over, she didn't even come in. She said "Bye, have fun! Don't bother Mrs. Gallor and clean up your mess!" That was complete opposite to what I had on Sunday.
Rochel Miriam was invited out so Menucha begged to have a friend come in. We were out until about 4pm, which is late for a playdate but I got talked into it because fair is fair. The mom that we called said she'd take Menucha with them to the mall to check out the new lego store. Then nice me, felt bad having her take my child and made sure to invite them back here to our house afterwards. At 5?! Crazy, but I figured dinner was late anyway, so why not have a friend for Menucha? Since the friend had a little sister, I threw her in too, hoping for a miracle that Moshe Leib would find another "Naomi" and play with her. (Naomi was his best friend in Seattle - pretty much the only kid that could come over and keep him busy.)
So they texted at 5 that they were on their way. There was a knock on the door, the two kids came in followed by the mom. Then the dad comes in, carrying her purse and handed it to her. That was the red light. Isn't she getting back in the car? I forgot to say that Penina was screaming, I was running extremely late on dinner and was planning on running around with my head off while the kids played. Shaul was extremely busy doing work on the computer too. But he graciously got up to shake the guy's hand. We all made small talk and then I casually said that I needed to get back to making my dinner. The mom said, "Oh, I'll come with you. I thought it would be nice for us to hang out." And the dad follows my husband, making conversation. OMG, I almost blew a gasket. They hung out and talked about stores and where the best prices were and Penina was screaming away, I was trying to feed her and run around. At one point, I escaped and prayed, "Please get them out of here. I can't take it anymore!" Hashem helped and they realized that the dad needed to be at the school dinner, so the mom left to drive him there and I got a ten minute break. Then she came back. Misunderstanding or sticklers? I don't know if I should be avoiding them or not....
We used to have dessert for those children who finished their plate. This worked for one child, he would eat quickly and get dessert. The fussy eater though, was very sad every night but it still didn't get her to eat. What would you do and how do you see this affecting her in the long run?
My next topic is that I feel so good to have a vocation! That's 'vo' not 'va'. That I can't have anymore as my in-laws don't live near me to take my kids anymore. (Having my tenth anniversary in a few weeks..) Anyway, the story is that when Menucha was 1, she was sleeping horribly. I was living at my parents and then we moved to Seattle after that. I treated her like a new-born and since I was living so precariously in someone else's home, (with a very young toddler too) I never got around to realizing that she was getting older. I rocked her to sleep and woke up all night at every sound she made to nurse her. I had no schedule and no knowledge of baby's sleep at all. It never mattered for the last kid - cuz she was the only one! By the time I moved to Seattle, I was miserable. She was one years old and I was waking up on the hour, every hour at night to nurse her. The first person we ate a meal at got to hear all about it. Hashem made her my messenger (thanks Sarah Simon!) to give me the book that changed my view on sleep. "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby" by Mark Weissbluth. Now anyone who knows me, knows that I follow this book like a bible. Every baby since has taken me deeper into the world of baby sleep patterns.
Penina has been the most fun. I started working on things from the moment I came home from the hospital. Then a friend of mine and I suddenly started texting our baby's sleep habits all day long and that went on for months! Slowly, through texting her, and watching Penina's every breath and move, and reading the book and comparing my last children, I feel like I'm gaining experience on becoming a sleep advice-giver. Now, I have people all over coming to me to ask for advice. It's so wonderful to be able to help people on one of the hardest things to deal with after having a baby - sleep. Plus I'm free and Batya the sleep coach is expensive! I'm still learning though and Hashem bh gives me lots of opportunities to learn with my own tough child. But I keep a very detailed sleep diary for her to help me.
Last but not least- I like moms that drop their kids off at the door and leave. Yesterday a mom sent a child over, she didn't even come in. She said "Bye, have fun! Don't bother Mrs. Gallor and clean up your mess!" That was complete opposite to what I had on Sunday.
Rochel Miriam was invited out so Menucha begged to have a friend come in. We were out until about 4pm, which is late for a playdate but I got talked into it because fair is fair. The mom that we called said she'd take Menucha with them to the mall to check out the new lego store. Then nice me, felt bad having her take my child and made sure to invite them back here to our house afterwards. At 5?! Crazy, but I figured dinner was late anyway, so why not have a friend for Menucha? Since the friend had a little sister, I threw her in too, hoping for a miracle that Moshe Leib would find another "Naomi" and play with her. (Naomi was his best friend in Seattle - pretty much the only kid that could come over and keep him busy.)
So they texted at 5 that they were on their way. There was a knock on the door, the two kids came in followed by the mom. Then the dad comes in, carrying her purse and handed it to her. That was the red light. Isn't she getting back in the car? I forgot to say that Penina was screaming, I was running extremely late on dinner and was planning on running around with my head off while the kids played. Shaul was extremely busy doing work on the computer too. But he graciously got up to shake the guy's hand. We all made small talk and then I casually said that I needed to get back to making my dinner. The mom said, "Oh, I'll come with you. I thought it would be nice for us to hang out." And the dad follows my husband, making conversation. OMG, I almost blew a gasket. They hung out and talked about stores and where the best prices were and Penina was screaming away, I was trying to feed her and run around. At one point, I escaped and prayed, "Please get them out of here. I can't take it anymore!" Hashem helped and they realized that the dad needed to be at the school dinner, so the mom left to drive him there and I got a ten minute break. Then she came back. Misunderstanding or sticklers? I don't know if I should be avoiding them or not....
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Queen of Providence
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Yesh Tikvah..
No news is good news. BH, we are starting to feel more settled. Things are calming down. Nini knows how to live her life without nursing and I've come to terms with it all. It'll make a good story later and I bet Penina will be proud of her role in it.
I've figured out a way to play music on this slow computer and I'm actually up to the stage in moving where I can listen to music and sing along, while doing housework. Only happy people sing out loud in an empty house, so that says a lot.
When things are tough, happiness looks like something that'll never come around again, but it always does, BH.
The girls are getting used to their homework and complaining like normal kids do. (As opposed to saying, Yay! Homework! and doing it the moment they come home.) Neighbors and friends are slowing down and we only get about 3 knocks on our doors instead of 3 every hour. Today the girls didn't even ask for playdates! Well, they asked, but we didn't have any. It's the first day that I got my own two girls home from school with no one else. Since school gets out at 3:15, they thought it was a given that they need to be with their friends every afternoon.
Our life is starting to look more rountine-ish and I'm almost able to make a daily routine list to hang up- courtesy of my old favorite mentor- supernanny.
We're still debating all the time about what each room should look like and what to move around and put in, I assume we'll get used to things soon and stop analyzing it all the time. We'll even get used to the unpacked boxes probably, and they'll just stick around until the next move.
We do miss you all and feel a sad longing feeling when we talk bout Seattle or look at old pictures. I still need to get to that Seattle book that I took all those pictures of everybody for. I've love to hear some updates of things going on in your lives, send me an email! I did hear a lot throught the text lines, such as people buying houses and moving or people getting pregnant, so I think I'm pretty updated on the big news....
I've figured out a way to play music on this slow computer and I'm actually up to the stage in moving where I can listen to music and sing along, while doing housework. Only happy people sing out loud in an empty house, so that says a lot.
When things are tough, happiness looks like something that'll never come around again, but it always does, BH.
The girls are getting used to their homework and complaining like normal kids do. (As opposed to saying, Yay! Homework! and doing it the moment they come home.) Neighbors and friends are slowing down and we only get about 3 knocks on our doors instead of 3 every hour. Today the girls didn't even ask for playdates! Well, they asked, but we didn't have any. It's the first day that I got my own two girls home from school with no one else. Since school gets out at 3:15, they thought it was a given that they need to be with their friends every afternoon.
Our life is starting to look more rountine-ish and I'm almost able to make a daily routine list to hang up- courtesy of my old favorite mentor- supernanny.
We're still debating all the time about what each room should look like and what to move around and put in, I assume we'll get used to things soon and stop analyzing it all the time. We'll even get used to the unpacked boxes probably, and they'll just stick around until the next move.
We do miss you all and feel a sad longing feeling when we talk bout Seattle or look at old pictures. I still need to get to that Seattle book that I took all those pictures of everybody for. I've love to hear some updates of things going on in your lives, send me an email! I did hear a lot throught the text lines, such as people buying houses and moving or people getting pregnant, so I think I'm pretty updated on the big news....
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