Holiday Time

A friend of mine’s student asked her why any woman would want to slave away in the kitchen and cook for her family as much as we do.

So last week, I sat down and wrote an article about the woman that I strive to be. The kind of woman that lives to cook all these Yom Tov meals and not only lives it but loves it. The woman who would rather be taking care of her children than be anywhere else. The people who I let read it, really enjoyed it and then thought I was that amazing woman.

Unfortunately, I am not there yet. I did not post it on my blog for fear of sounding too unrelatable. Cooking all these Yom Tov meals definitely is hard. The key is to really try to enjoy it. Tonight, Motzei Shabbos, when were are almost finished and are standing at the edge, just before the last round of Yomim Tovim (holidays), I realized that I am actually sad to see them go. A part of me wants to have the kids go back to normal school routines and have the house look more presentable and the laundry baskets empty once again (if they ever are), but another part of me does not want to let go. There’s so much family time and so much deeper thinking time and so much holiness in the air and connection to Hashem time and plus, Hoshana Raba is that last chance to do Teshuva. Doesn’t that give the rest of the year a dismal feeling to it? Think about it. Think about Yom Tov and all the family togetherness, sharing meals over and over (and over and over!), going to shul and seeing everyone dressed up and going shopping yet again and sharing sighs with the next frum person over about food shopping for the millionth time… and then think about winter. School. Heat. Work. Regularness. See?

When someone told me to post that article about that wonderful person on my blog, I said, I’m not going to post it because I have not reached that level yet. However, together – it would be nice for us to discuss HOW we can reach that level together. To actually ENJOY our time with our family around without yearning for that ALONE time all the time. So let’s discuss….

Elul musings..

http://jewishmom.com/2016/09/11/avoiding-the-dangers-of-elul-12-minute-mommy-peptalk/

In this Pep Talk, Chana Jenny (author of Jewishmom.com) talks about the month of Elul being very dangerous for pitfalls of disempowerment. She talks about my favorite speaker Esther Baila Schwartz, how EB has been working anger for years and years. And this past year, she felt tremendous anger one day and felt like "was that all for nothing?!"

I too, felt this way! This past blog, I wrote about how calm I am. I mainly think I am calm, because people tell me this. I guess it's what I look like from the outside. But the night after I wrote that blog, I had the most uncalm moment in a looong time!!! This was exactly what JewishMOM spoke about! My husband was not in the house and I was the one putting all the kids to bed. (Some moms say, I'm ALWAYS the one putting them all to bed, what's the big deal?) But for me, Hashem knows my situation and my house and He knows what I need help with the most. My hardest, most challenging parent moment, is AFTER putting kids to bed, if they show up again. And again. And again. Once they are supposed to be in bed, I just expect to have space and do not want to see any of them until the morning. So of course, I get tested in this area a lot.
We had this guest over one Friday night with two little kids. A 1 year old and a 3 year old. We were discussing having our kids awake for Friday night and she said, What is a Shabbos seudah without children?? It sounded beautiful but I stuck to my opinion. When my children are tired, no one wants to be around them, that night and the entire next day. And I value my Shabbos seuodos that are just my husband and me, bli children.
Anyway, that night some of my children kept coming down, with issues. They were fighting, they were crying, they were just at eachother and over and over, they'd come back to me. One was supposed to have an earlier bedtime that night as a consequence for not caring about getting to school on time. And by 9:30, they were STILL  crying and fighting. I had enough and I showed it. I went OPPOSITE of what I wrote about that day. So all you people who were feeling like you couldn't relate, RELATE.
And it made me feel awful, because I am supposed to be the Queen of Calm! Didn't I just write about it?!!
So today I listened to JewishMOM and she talked about the month of Elul having amazing potential for change and having amazing potential for pitfalls, which is the Yetzer Hora trying to get at you for what you think you're so good at. She warns against falling in these holes of despair. Do not think, "forget it, I'm never going to get there", just pick yourself up and continue.  The YH is just out there to scare and try to get you to give up.
So if you are a Bitachon Master, or Queen of Calm or Beyond Anger, know that you are going to fail sometimes, but don't get depressed, the failures are there to help you become even MORE of what you are striving to be. Take advantage of Elul and just take small, little steps in the direction that you want to go in.

On being Calm

"Mommy, can I have pretzels with ketchup?"
I guess I just have to come to terms -- nothing on my list will get done while this kid is home and around me. If I just accept it, I'll stop feeling like I just want to SCREAM! She has a mind of her own and she wants me to hear it.
"Mommy I want sumping."
"Crackers?"
"no,  I want sumping"
"pretzels? Yogurt?"
"No. Mommy I want sumping"
It's the age of toddlerhood, so adoring, yet so demanding and time consuming at the same time:) Hashem really put it into a good mixture - there's no getting mad at something so delicious and innocent!

This morning was challenging. The weather was gloomy, no one wanted to get out of bed. I woke up at 5am to nurse the baby, who promptly went back to sleep. I couldn't be on his schedule though because the next one wakes up at 6am, to get her bottle, to put her back to sleep. It's so nice that they all go back to sleep! If I had each one separately, I'd get so much sleep! Then my alarm rings at 6:30am to help the rest get off to school on time.
The mornings are filled with anxiety from the children who don't want to run off to school - I mean, who does? One of my happiest thoughts is that I don't have to go to school anymore. Then there's the last minute lunch prep, the frozen water bottles to take out, the tzeddakah that each child needs to bring, the mitzvah notes and the clingy almost 2 year old who ONLY wants Mommy. ("No, I want Mommy to do it.")
And amidst all that I feel exhausted and can't get my eyes open and my brain is affuzz. But here's how I do it. I talk to myself constantly "I know I am a wreck, but I will not show it." When the child bothers the toddler for the umpteenth time, I gently lift him and put him a time out, nice and quietly. I will not show my bad mood, it will not come out.
Mainly what pushes me is the guilt I'll feel later if the morning is a wreck and I had something to do with it. So I force my smile on, add some cheeriness to my voice and don't let one ounce of impatience come out. It is so easy to act for kids, all they crave is that sweet voice and smile, no matter if it's real or not.
Only my husband looks at me and say, "Wow. I have no idea how you can stay calm among all this."
That made me realize how many years it took to perfect my calmness. I am not a calm person inside at all. But on the outside, I've learned to do it just right to get everyone out with a smile on their face. I hope.

Caring...Sharing

When I get older.... we still say that at my age. Where I am now, I'm constantly thinking.. when I get older. There's a stage in life where there is not much "you", but more living outside of yourself. Which is supposed to be our goal anyway, to learn how to live outside of our self. We are born thinking about ourselves, with our fists clenched and over the years, with our parents' help, we are supposed to start seeing more and more of the big picture. For some of my children, it's harder than for other's. There's one child that I'm always trying to teach to take food at a minimum. Just because I put a platter out that is full of food that that child loves, it does not mean they need to take a huge handful. Think about others, you can always take more small portions afterwards.
It's funny though, when we learn to think the MOST outside of ourselves and become really caring people, that's when we have the least time to really care! Finally now, I have learned to genuinely care about my friends and I have absolutely no time to spare to tell them about it.

When I reached out to my friend who is in her ninth month and told her how much I miss her, and she wrote back and really shared her thoughts and physical pains about being pregnant at 40, I felt a real connection, something I really miss in my life now. But then I did not find a moment to write back and tell her that.

I really genuinely feel and care for so many of my friends and I am using this not quite so public blog to tell you all that. I want to hear everything going on in your life, but not just the facts, the thoughts and feelings behind it. I care, for real! I want to know! Through having children, Hashem has granted me that gift of really wanting to connect to my friends. And so many people are afraid, they want to be listened to but afraid of becoming a burden by opening up too much and afraid they'll be too much or too clingy. I want to hear everything but I apologize from the depth of my heart that I can't fully constantly respond right away due to my little offspring who need my love and care more than anything. Maybe when I'm older, I can open up a website, called "I Care!" and then I will have the time to really listen and respond much more. But that'll have to be in between my hours of listening to my own children on the phone in their own respective places, G-d willing.

Yesterday was Tisha B'av. I think I was finally able to understand why we focus on something that happened so long ago. As a child, I couldn't understand. I got it, that it was sad, but so what? Here we are living fine. But, as a parent and seeing so many people suffer around the world, I tried to convey to my children what it meant to be missing something so much. It's not so much what happened many years ago, but what we are missing today because of it.

We, my daughters and I, organized a kumzits. Mainly because we like them so much and I love helping children experience something that moving and the main kumzits in the community felt that they would not be able to have the focus that they wanted to have, with a bunch of children around. I understand that, I guess - well not really because children have so much emotion inside of them that is longing to come out, they just need the right person to talk to them about it and help them. And I am not it. I went way beyond my comfort zone by inviting them all here and singing for them. I have never in my life sang a solo before and I don't think anyone besides my family has ever heard me sing. Not that I'm that wonderful, but I'm shy and self-contained if that's the word. It took a lot out of me to sing and know that lots of little girls were watching and listening. I felt like I was on show and it was quite unnerving. But when I saw how much they were enjoying themselves, I did it - to give them that experience. If not for Menucha though, I don't think I would've done it. She too, went out of her shy self and sang with me. The others joined in at some points, but mainly it was us two. But they all did not want to leave and looked like they had the best time and my children are still singing the songs this morning, so I think it was worth it.

As much as there is relief that the Nine Days are over, there is a sadness in the air. We davened, asked and talked so much about Moshiach yesterday and today we were sitting at the breakfast table eating as normal. We discussed how that was a huge bracha in itself, thinking about our dear friends who are going through their baby's surgery, far away from their other children. We think and talk about them daily and daven, daven that their son will wake up (he is still put under since his surgery last Wednesday, since he had a fever and they haven't closed him up yet) and recover quickly. And G-d willing, they too will be sitting and eating breakfast normally one day soon together as a whole family. But alas, Moshiach isn't here yet and we need to continue to push and do and hope, hope, hope...

P.S. Just checked..... his chest was closed, BH!

Thoughts on, I mean after my birthday

35. I feel so middle. And it’s a strange thought, cuz I distinctly feel younger. I look at myself in the mirror and see the young girl I still am. How did 35 years pass? How did I become so middle-aged?!! Life does go by fast, it’s true. I know I was there, I lived through it all, I can’t believe I made it.

I remember sitting in the audience in 8^th grade while the principal talked about graduating year. I remember thinking, there’s no way I’m here. Graduating 8^th grade??? That’s what older girls do. And if I imagined myself at 35, it would’ve been inconceivable.

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As hours passed since that last part was written, I had time to think about my age status in between changing many diapers, nursing and putting two babies to bed (a few times). Boy have I changed since I was a kid. I may still feel young but I definitely am not the same person at all. I am more self-aware, way more self confident, very, very strong and definitely not the little, shy wimp I was. But sometimes, that shy wimp still shows up.

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And so the saga continues… this is about 24 hours later. Well, that’s pretty much the story of my middle-age life right now. Stop and go, stop and go. So it all comes down to that what I need to work on is NOT TO CARE! I was telling someone that nowadays I feel that I don’t care about as much as I used to, because things that aren’t important for the raising of my children, are just not in my brain enough to care about. When I tried to think of examples, it was pretty funny – I couldn’t, because I couldn’t care enough to try to remember what it is I didn’t care about.

Today I have about 30 things to do. I go down the list in order, because if I tried to think of what was most important, I’d stand still thinking all day. So I just focus on what it says and go do it. I usually accomplish about 5 out of the 30. But in between that, I know I accomplish the creation of entire worlds, that are not on my list. I teach my children how to love and be loved, how to care and be cared about. I organize, socialize and wipe tears and other things. I feed, I listen and try to smile through it all. Maybe this’ll be the part of my life that I accomplish the most things, even though on the outside it looks like I accomplish the least.

Thank you Hashem for giving me 35 blessed years with so much family, so much bracha and oh so much patience. As my father said, another 35 years will G-d willing take me to 70! But that’s an entire lifetime for me.

Thank you Eema and Abba for helping shape me into the person that I am and am proud to be.

Today my daughter had to dress wacky for Wacky Wednesday. It was very hard for her to dress strangely and very VERY hard to walk in the street dressed like that. It wasn’t even that different. As I pointed out to her, to the rest of the world, us frum people are always strange, so no one notices. But she struggled with her self confidence A LOT. She wanted me to tell everyone we passed that she was dressed like that only because it’s Wacky Wednesday. I kept pushing her, Be strong. Be different. Be proud of who you are. Is it going to kill you if someone thinks you normally dress like that??? Maybe that wasn’t right as I was just like her when I was younger. Would I have liked my wacky father to say, “Do it anyway! Go outside dressed like that and go strong and proud!” No!! I would’ve been mortified. It’s so strange that I’m so different now. Maybe the ones who are the most scared to be different, turn out to be the ones who are the most proud of being different later in life. Now you wouldn’t catch me in a dress that is in style, it would embarrass me to fit into a crowd. I am different and I WANT to always be different! Thank you Abba!

Little voices calling… “Mommy” and “waaah” – gotta go continue on my life’s journey…. Boruch Hashem!

Another One Joins the Gang

After a long hiatus, I'm here. I can't say I'm back as it's not really my fault that I don't blog. The blogs just don't come to me. I only blog when I feel the blog rising through me:)

I just have a lot of thoughts and feelings about having children. Children are the biggest hugest bracha, besides for getting married that is. During my first year of marriage, I just felt so incredibly blessed ALL THE TIME. I couldn't fathom that this life would last. I must've been really bored before getting married (I think I was 24) but this whole life, I felt like I had only lived the past just to be there - running a home, making meals for my wonderful husband and just living in peace, playing house - the two of us. I know I'm still just as blessed, even more, but my mind is way too busy to constantly feel it now.
They say that every kid takes up ten percent of your brain, so mine is 50% gone now from what it used to be. But I get glimpses of deep thought that peeks through when I have time to myself, when the two babies miraculously sleep at the same time for more than 20 minutes, or when I shower. My showers have given me the most thinking time. You may wonder why doesn't my bed allow me thinking time, that's because I have no memory of ever getting into bed anymore. I fall asleep before I make it there.
There is so much recovery to childbirth. It's not just baby out and everything goes back to normal. And the older I am, the more it takes. The nursing is an entire saga unto itself. BH I have not had the infections I used to get, but this baby of mine has already gone on 3 nursing strikes and he's only 5 weeks old! Everytime he goes back to nursing normally, my life has been altered by the prayers and pain and agmas nefesh I went through.
My sister and I once came up with this: If you had an easy labor, Hashem is going to put pains into other parts of childbirth. We're all meant to go through pain, it doesn't always come through the labor though. Whether it's the leg veins come people deal with, back pain during pregnancy or using the bathroom post birth - Hashem divides up the pain where He feels you can handle it.
BH this time, my birth was really fast and easy. Such a relief - I was dreading it since the positive pregnancy test. It was so fast that the baby's face was bruised for the first week from his first slide experience.
But now, 5 weeks later as my body is recovering more and more and Aharon Yehuda is taking his place in the family and becoming one of us and Pesach is over and life starts again, I'm beginning to appreciate the bracha of another child much more.
Last night, when all five of them were sleeping and I actually had an evening to unpack the suitcases and fold some laundry, I wondered why I felt so down. Then Ari woke up and my spirits lifted as I picked up his delicious, warm, soft infant body and I realized, as much as I feel overwhelmed, I really am happiest when all five of them are clamoring for my attention and hanging on me and needing me.

Lessons learned from a trip

Today was Recovery Day from The Trip. Trips are just Trips when you're a kid. I remember just looking forward to trips with excitement. The night before was hard to sleep because of the feeling of excitement and that's all it was - excitement. Once you're the adult, things are so so different. Not even related - different. Excitement? Not usually. I have no space in my crowded mind for excitement. There's so much Responsibility to take care of, so many thoughts of packing and lists and "Don't Forgets". Then there's all the anxiety of traveling: Will the car work the entire time? Will we all feel well the entire ride and not need to use the loo 500 times? Will we get there safely? Did everyone eat enough and is there enough food? Will the kids drive me crazy with their demands and questions for 3 hours straight?
Boruch Hashem, we are home safe and sound and all went well. There were so many different legs to the trip. There was the 3 hour car ride to Monsey, then spending Shabbos with the 'rents and the big brother from Israel. Then there was Motzei Shabbos with the Groysmans', previously from Seattle, relocated close to Monsey. Then the trip to Crown Heights, Brooklyn for the 'rents' Seudas Hodaah. (Mom's fall last May and Dad's Subarachnoid thingy, ask me for more details). Then the Seudah/party itself and then the visit to Boro Park with the Sister's Fam and then the long trip home at night.
I learned an important lesson. I am nothing. :)
Nothing depends on me and I do nothing to bring about results. (Oh gosh, has Seminary Girl's influence changed my entire blog? Life?!)
Each and every "leg" to the trip had expected results and then the outcome was either challenging or really, really nice. For example - Shaul and I expected Penina to be really kvetchy/clingy during the Party. We expected to be holding her and taking care of her for most of it. Surprise, surprise -- she was amazing! She played with her cousins, and I hardly saw her the entire time!
The first trip was 3 hours and we had about 5 bathroom stops. The last trip was 5 hours and we only stopped once. I could not have predicted that. The sister's house - was wonderful and relaxing. After being at the party for hours and some of the kids not getting along or tantruming, we expected the kids to be hungry/tired and want to just chill by themselves. But we promised them we'd go, so we went to visit before going home. It was really really nice! We got to relax, the kids enjoyed themselves and all got involved, even the one that sticks to my side and is not comfortable in strange places!
So I learned, not to expect anything. Which just teaches you that when things DO get tough, He's obviously behind it all, because same exact beginnings, can have majorly different outcomes.

Also, when you are not meant to see things - you just don't!! Last night I thought I left my important Penina Watcher at my parents' house. (That's the monitor screen that I use to spy on her.) It made me feel empty and unable to relax or sleep. I've gotten way too dependent on that thing. I looked everywhere, searched my suitcase from top to bottom a few times, and it wasn't there. This morning, I sat down near my suitcase to pick something up, and there it was, in plain sight. Strange, but true:)

Rochel Miriam's letter of persuasion

To: Mommy and Tatty (reprinted with permission)

REASONS WHY I SHOULD GET MY OWN ROOM:

*Me and Menucha Leah will probably stop fighting in our beds.
*It will probably be a treat to sleep with Menucha Leah. [Ed. Note: When guests come and they need to sleep together.]
*We will both have our own space.
*We will probably stop screaming at each other in the morning.
*It will probably prevent us from waking each other up.
*I don't think it would be too much work to move us.
*I think we would both be happy.
*Moshe Leib might not think he is the only one who has his own room. [i.e. be upset that he has no one to share with]

Reflective Mommy Conversations

And today's Reflecting Mommy Questions are featuring:



The Young Moms in their twenties:


SUPERMOM WANABE and WONDERFUL MOM


The middlie Moms are:


EVERYBODY'S MOMMY, MARATHON MOM, SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE and the I GOT THIS MOM.


And our one veteran older and experienced mom:


LIBRARY MAMA



First Question: If you could have a Mommy Superpower, what would it be?



SUPERMOM WANABE: I would like to be like "Bewitched", cuz then I can get the house cleaned and food cooked with one little twitch of my nose.



WONDERFUL MOM: The ability to function without sleep, it would give me so much more time to get things done and keep me feeling sane.



EVERYBODY'S MOMMY: I'd like to be in two places at once for moments like, "Can I have a drink?" and "Can you help me with my homework?" at the same time. Or picking the kids up from school and staying home without having to wake up the baby at the same time. Or go to sleep but also hang out with Hubby at the same time.



MARATHON MOM: I'd create a calm, happy and respectful home. Peaceful with no fighting or crying.



SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE: The ability to put babies to sleep with the snap of a finger. Also I'd be really fast, like The Flash. That way my house would be clean and everything on my to-do list would actually get done.



I GOT THIS MOM: I'd be able to move things without having to get up, like The Force.
 

LIBRARY MAMA: I'd go back in time so that I could get up earlier the second time around.





Second Question: What part of the day is so challenging that if you could, you'd hire someone to do it for you and be able to just skip it?



SUPERMOM WANABE: The part of the day where I have to get all my kids into the house after their respective buses drop them off at different times and they suddenly pretend that they can't do the two flights of stairs to get to our house.



WONDERFUL MOM: The late afternoon/evening. After the baby's nap but before bedtime, when it's too dark and cold to go anywhere and we're stuck at home with me trying to come up with ways to entertain a cranky toddler.



EVERYBODY'S MOMMY: Definitely mornings! Everybody needs me at the same time, everybody wakes up in their bad moods. I'd love to sleep in and wake up past breakfast time and everybody is already dressed with their teeth brushed.



MARATHON MOM: Supper time is the most challenging, the kids are picky eaters and as hard as I try, they don't always want to eat what I made. It's also everybody's crankiest time of the day (I try to feed them as soon as they come home from school). They tend to cry if their spoon fell, or if they got a fork instead of a spoon. The kids argue over where to sit and which CD to listen to and if someone is sitting too close to them or they fight over the box of cereal they want to look at while eating... I wish someone could take over that part of the day!!



SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE: Basically from about 4pm until 7:30pm. Dinner prep and bedtime are the worst. By that time of the day I am tired and the baby is fussy and it's dark outside so early lately which is depressing.



I GOT THIS MOM: Dinner/bedtime/homework time.. maybe I'd rather do it myself so I could be alone when I yell;)



LIBRARY MAMA: Bedtime. By then... I am wiped out. But then again... sometimes those are the times when I get the most connection with the kids.





Third Question: What part of the day could you just do all day long?



SUPERMOM WANABE: Sleep probably. But at some point, I would have to get up to eat.



WONDERFUL MOM: Playing with my child when he's in a good mood, reading together with him.



EVERYBODY'S MOMMY: Sit and hold my baby while she snuggles into me.



MARATHON MOM: Cuddle with the kids, listening to how their day was.



SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE: Mornings are nice, the baby is happy and we go out for a walk usually. I like mornings, because I still have the whole day ahead of me.



I GOT THIS MOM: The peace after the crazy time, it's so relaxing.



LIBRARY MAMA: The snuggles in bed. The times when they are telling me all of the things.





Fourth Question: What are some shortcuts that you take?



SUPERMOM WANABE: I give my baby bottles at night and I let the kids sleep in mine and husband's bed at night cuz it takes too long to go put them back.



WONDERFUL MOM: I don't give baths every day.



EVERYBODY'S MOMMY: Baths only two times a week. I stopped putting my older kids to bed, now they go by themselves. I don't interrupt the older kids to spend time with them before bed if I see that they're busy. Instead of asking my kids to help by setting the table or something, I say 'Here take the baby' and I do it myself.



MARATHON MOM: We eat the same dinner two nights in a row. I let the kids watch videos on Fridays so I can prepare for Shabbos.



SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE: I buy the baby food that comes in packets and I just give those to the baby if I don't know what to make or if I want to get stuff done. Then she can walk around and eat it on her own. But lately she's been enjoying squirting them everywhere. Also, we have a dog. That takes care of a lot of cleanup. I've decided that as long as there is a baby, we have to have a dog. My floors would be disgusting otherwise.



I GOT THIS MOM: Easy suppers.



LIBRARY MAMA: I don't look at my floor! I buy prepackaged stuff like shredded cheese and presliced veggies.





Fifth Question: What are some things that have pushed you to have more kids?



SUPERMOM WANABE: Looking at that picture of somebody who died in this magazine, with seven white bearded rabbis sitting shiva for their father. Made me think, maybe those can be my kids one day!



WONDERFUL MOM: The thought that I get to raise a neshama (soul) that Hashem wanted to put into my hands to take care of.



EVERYBODY'S MOMMY: When I read about families with lots of kids and when I watch my own kids play so well with all of their siblings.



MARATHON MOM: I don't feel pushed or pressured to have more kids. Boruch Hashem we're happy with what we have. Being very busy with our bunch now doesn't allow me to feel any pressure.



SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE: Honestly age is a big factor because we started having kids later than most people. Also I'd rather have my kids now, instead of when I'm 40+. My body and mind can handle it now but I don't know how it would be later. I might go insane. Although mommying can be very hard and I joke about how hard it is all the time, it is very, very rewarding. This is what drives me the most to want to have more children.



I GOT THIS MOM: When I melt when I see a newborn.



LIBRARY MAMA: I love love love little babies and toddlers. I want two more but alas it is too late so I make do with other people's kids:)





Sixth Question: Besides for money, what is holding you back from hiring a full-time nanny?



SUPERMOM WANABE: My kids probably wouldn't listen to the nanny anyway. And the nanny probably would never bathe them or fold laundry or the clean the "right" way.



WONDERFUL MOM: I want to see all the milestones and accomplishments that happen in my child's life on a daily basis.



EVERYBODY'S MOMMY: Because I read a book and learned that it's best for children to be with their mother all the time.



MARATHON MOM: Privacy. She would know everything that goes on since she'd be living in the house. But if money wasn't an issue, we could get a seperate house for her. Then I would definitely hire someone.



SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE: Your kids become who they are around most. I want to raise my kids my way and I want them to learn from me. Plus I don't trust other people so much. I would however totally hire a housekeeper and a personal chef if we were ridiculously rich.



I GOT THIS MOM: Lack of privacy.



LIBRARY MAMA: I think it's important to be involved in all of it, not just the good parts. The hard parts are what make the good parts extra sweet.





Seventh Question: What are some moments that make you proud, give you nachas and make you reflect on your children?



SUPERMOM WANABE: When my kids have intelligent conversations with eachother or when a stranger comments "wow" about my children.



WONDERFUL MOM: When my child reaches a new stage of development, says a new word, or reaches a new milestone.



EVERYBODY'S MOMMY: When all my kids play together, laugh together and I am doing my own thing while watching them.



MARATHON MOM: When I listen to my kids tell over something they learned in school. Or when they bring home "nachas notes", and when they play and talk nicely together. When they learn and do a new skill that they just learned, like potty training, learning to write, read or talk a certain way...



SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE: When people tell me how alert and smart my baby is. Also when they say how cute she is. I know that's silly but I love it. I'm also proud when she reaches her milestones early. When she gives me kisses and hugs, it's so nice to have a baby that interacts. At first they don't and that was really hard for me because I didn't know what to do with her or if I was even doing anything right.



I GOT THIS MOM: When the kids are well-behaved and when they help others.



LIBRARY MAMA: When I see them being kind to another kid and when I hear them having a perspective on the world that is about justice and peace.





Eighth Question: What do you love about being a Mommy?



SUPERMOM WANABE: The feeling of accomplishment. That when I'm doing nothing (when was the last time that's happened?!) I'm always doing something. Even when I'm taking care of myself, it's a mitzvah, I'm making a better mommy!



WONDERFUL MOM: Being able to impart important values to my child from an early age, helping him to explore the world and to learn new skills. Being called "Mommy" by a cute little person:)



EVERYBODY'S MOMMY: The awe that they have for me and the love and awe that I have for them, those people that came out of me. Pregnancy and birth- experiences that I'd never want to miss out on. A deep need to understand and connect to others, only comes from being a mother. It makes me a better person, to care about others and to give, give, give. To be needed so much.



MARATHON MOM: My kids are the best part, even though it comes along with its challenges.



SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE: I love that my baby loves me and needs me. It can be annoying sometimes, but it's really nice to be so wanted by something so cute. Also watching her mind and body grow and seeing her character traits emerge. The cuddles and there's a lot more I love about it but it's hard to put it into words. It's all the little things, even annoying things because they're good and helping us to grow.



I GOT THIS MOM: I love being the boss.



LIBRARY MAMA: The new way of looking at the world.





And last question: Pet peeves about being a Mommy:



"Kids who have accidents all day and when they say ichy Mommy. When they don't listen and try to escape getting dressed and trying to get everyone onto the bus in the mornings" SuperMom Wanabe




"It gets frusterating when a toddler cries and screams incoherently and you have no clue what they want... they should come with dictionaries." Wonderful Mom



"The mess, the never ending mess. Everyone needing help with everything. There is no guarantee that you'll have a night's sleep when you finally get to bed. The endless washing of dishes and making lunches every day, and of course preparing 3 meals daily for everyone." Everybody's Mommy



"Feeling like I failed when I think over my day. Feeling how I shouldn't have done what I did or wishing I knew the trick that would've helped my child learn to do things differently. Also, KIDS CRYING - it really gets to me and it's very hard to ignore. Also when the house is a mess, I can't think straight and it makes me very nervous! I hate stepping on cracker pieces..." Marathon Mom



"When people make assumptions. Here's one instance: I like to go for walks. If I don't get out of the house, I go crazy. So even if it's cold, sometimes we'll still go. I always try to put a hat and gloves on the baby but she takes them off. It never fails, someone always stops me to comment about how cold it is and where are her hat and gloves. It's not like I don't try!! Also, I thought babies were supposed to sleep. Why doesn't mine?? It's ridiculous. Maybe it's teaching me to be patient and that I can't control everything. And breastfeeding?? It hurt! For the first 6 months at least. Why don't people tell you these things?! Why can't babies be born after a few more months? The first 6 months were so hard!!" Sleepless in Seattle



"When kids throw perfectly clean clothes into the laundry instead of putting them away." I got this Mom



"Always feeling pressured for time and it never being good enough." Library Mama

No Guilt! No Guilt! No Guilt!

I just gave advice to two people, so right now I'm feeling all psyched about my non guilt feelings. On Friday I texted my friend who's told me a time or two that I'm her Mommy Hero. I wrote "Your Mommy Hero is doing her Shabbos dishes on Friday!" (That's last Shabbos I'm talking about.) Then my sister mentioned dishes yesterday on Sunday. Her mother in law came over and asked if those were her Shabbos dishes sitting there dirty and my sister was mortified. She asked if I would be. And I thought about it and realized, No, I wouldn't be. I didn't get a chance to do the dishes. Oh well. And I didn't get a chance on Monday or Tuesday either. I saw them and I wanted to do them but didn't. Maybe if I was napping or sitting online all day, I'd feel guilty, but as it is, I'm not! I'm doing very important other things instead!
If we are always trying our best, and always feeling good about what it is we're doing, there is no reason to feel bad about not getting basic things done.
Yesterday was Sunday. Sundays are hard and long, most of the time. I am not used to having all the kids home all the time, with their different creative ideas and needs and fights and by the time I get them into bed, I usually feel a bit drained. So I had a lot to do but then I saw this birth stories book that I was in middle of and I saw my Dove chocolates sitting there and I said, "Just finish one story and eat one piece of chocolate." And then, why not? A few more and a few more stories, it's okay, I'm allowed to, I had a hard day. And when I was done, I did not feel one ounce of guilt. Because it's okay to take Mommy breaks, why should we push ourselves if we need some down-time? So despite me taking downtime, like to blog for instance, or to sit and eat and not run around eating, or to talk to our husbands and maybe listen to them for a good hour when they need to talk - those are still considered "doing things." If the dishes didn't get done because I was busy enjoying my chocolate, that's okay and I will not feel bad about it!

Back to inspiration

This may come as a surprise to some of you, but my husband and I watch a movie on occasion. We saw one recently that had such a great lesson to it. It's called "About Time". It's about this boy who turned 21 and his father revealed to him that the men in his family have always been able to go back in time. They step into a closet, think about when they want to go to, clench their fists and they're there.
Towards the end, the father gets cancer and is going to die. He talks to his son and asks him if he wants to know what the father has figured out about happiness in life, or would he like to figure it out himself. The son says to tell him, to help him get there faster (son is married with 2 kids by then). The father teaches him to live each day twice. The first day you actually live it and then you go back and relive it a second time, but the second time, you notice more. Since you already lived it, you know what's going to happen, so now he can relive it and touch it up.
The son does this for awhile and by the end he says he took the happiness thing a step further. Now he only lives each day once, - AS IF it's his 2nd time around.
This is an awesome way to live. If you watch him repeat his day over, you can see how he enhances his day by letsay letting his wife sleep in, while he gets up with the kids, he smiles more at everyone, hugs people and tells them he loves them... all those things we would love to do - but just get caught up in life too much and forget to.
When I woke up today, I thought - imagine this was my 2nd time reliving this day and I got to fix up the small things, what would I do? I wouldn't have poured my daughter her cereal, so I could've warded off the tantrum she had after that. I wouldn't have brought up the topic of school with my son, maybe his morning would've been smoother. I would've driven the kids to school instead of walked, to avoid the kvetches, the freezing cold weather and the crying baby. I would've relaxed about when to put Penina down for a nap and not wondered all morning if she was tired or not. I would've called my friend 2 minutes earlier so as not to have missed her phonecall while putting Penina down. There's so much I could fix up if I got to repeat today. It's interesting to try to live today as if it's the second time around - think about it!


One more inspirational thought. This week I've been thinking about the line "MAKE it a great". Instead of sitting around and waiting for the good moments in life to come around - make them all great! I was about to make lunches for the next day, and I hate doing that - then I saw my reminder - MAKE it a good one. So I turned on my favorite speaker and suddenly making lunches wasn't so bad! When Menucha was grumbling about her math homework and annoyed that she had one more page to go - I taught her - let's not wait for more fun homework, let's make this one fun! And it worked.. That's such a strong concept (thank you Seminary Girl) to make things great, instead of waiting around for the good parts of life.

additional video

BTW there was a video attached to the last post that didn't seem to come out in the E-mail. If you go to the actual site (providencegallor.blogspot.com) and go to the end of the previous post, you'll see it.

Gallor kids update

 

Some people have been asking me for updated pictures recently. As we have no camera, no smartphone and no normal computer in the house, this has been a bit of a challenge but I here is what I could get from Shaul's work "surface".

This is Rochel Miriam, age 9. She is currently in 4th grade and is loving the social aspect of it. Lately she is on the phone most of the time while she's at home. She's been calling all her old friends in Seattle just to talk, or sometimes some cousins. She loves to talk, so luckily she figured out that calling people is a great way to do this. She is wonderful with little children around ages 3 and 4 and is idolized by some of the neighborhood children. Her favorite activities are writing imaginary and creative stories, and hanging out with friends.

This is Menucha (Leah), age 8. She is currently in 2nd grade. She is doing amazing academically in school, becoming a really advanced reader. She reads in all her spare time (and in her non-spare time too.). She loves little babies and wants to borrow everyone's babies just to play with them. She is having a hard time making friends in her age group, but does really well with 4th-6th graders and has been known to invite a much older girl over to hang out with. She is a huge help at home and is always worried about her Mommy and Tatty feeling good or doing too much. Her favorite activities are reading and playing with babies.

This is Moshe Leib, age 5. He is a happy, jumpy, excited boy. He is currently in PreK 4 in school. He LOVES his teachers and being with his friends. He goes to speech twice a week for a severe stutter, which he doesn't seem to mind one bit. He loves being with friends, practicing his letter writing and wearing his watch and announcing the time to everyone. He also loves music and performing and is constantly asking everyone to watch his shows. He dresses up in suits and ties and uses his toy microphone and either sings or talks to the audience. His favorite things to do are interacting with his little sister and getting attention from everyone around him.

These are my kids, with our downstairs neighbors, Rus - age 4 1/2 and Chana Miriam - age 7. They are at our house about 85% of the week.

This is Menucha, age 15.

Here is Rochel Miriam with one of her friends from her class, Atara Bielory.

Here is Moshe Leib with Rus from downstairs and his other friend Shmuel Bielory.



Today the older girls and Chana Miriam (from downstairs) made a camp for 2-4 year olds on our block. Here they all are davening together, it was precious to watch and listen to them! The girls really enjoyed it and I enjoyed watching them take care of all those cute kids. At the end they made me write certificates for the 2 most well behaved kids (Rus Karp and Sussy Yudkowsky_ and when Moshe Leib was jealous, Menucha said she'd write him a best little brother card instead. He was a bit difficult for the kids to handle during this camp and when she gave him his certificate, I read: " MOSHE LEIB FOR BEING THE CUTEST LITTLE BOTHER." (Had a good laugh over that one.)

This is Penina, age 15 months. Penina is the family pet. She laughs, sings and plays with everyone all day. She is a great performer, as you will see in the following video. She loves to play with dolls, strollers and really anything. She also loves to be read too, especially if it the book has lots of animal sounds in it. Her favorite activities are kissing mezuzahs and taking walks outside without the stroller. She is very demanding and cute, so it's hard for anyone to say no to her, so she usually is one to get her way.

The longest winter vacation

Generally I like being the inspirational mom who always has great advice and lots of good ideas, but at the moment I feel anything but inspirational. I feel like I need my other moms to tell me that this is normal and they've all gone through the same types of days/weeks.
The kids have been home for about nine days straight now. Of course, I love my children and I don't regret having any of them.. but WOW has this been a week. And it hasn't been my oldest two, BH they have turned into angels. They are helpful when they see me down and they are never in my way. BH they have both grown into very independent, young women. It's my youngest two. I guess that's good, it's only two. Where I live, I constantly see mothers of many, MANY more, so to think that it's only two that are hard for me, is making me feel better already.
They are HARD! Yes, I've experienced annoying little brothers a lot when I was younger and I've seen it in other families, but I have never been a mother of one before! This young boy of mine LOVES to bother everyone, every chance that he gets. His reason he says (for Penina at least) is that she's so cute. And I know it's true because the other day she was pushing him out of the way and instead of getting mad, he laughed at how cute she was being. He just pokes and prods at her all day to get some reaction out of her, probably because she's still too young to play with. My mode of discipline has been time-outs for a long time (I was against them for years until SUPERNANNY came along) and they work for the next hour after he's been in one. It's mainly to reset him and help him realize that there are consequences for misbehaving, but it's almost like he can't help it. I can either give him full attention at every moment, play game after game, read book after book and sit and help him write notes to people (that's what he enjoys lately), or he's turning around poking people, messing their games or getting people to yell at him.
Then my sweet baby has become a "hold me Mommy" baby. She enjoys being home alone and this week has been hard because she's so delicious and all the kids can't keep their hands off her. So she's constantly running to me to save her and follows me everywhere and shoves books in my face to read them to her. She likes to sit on the counter while I cook and help me pour spices into foods, she likes to dangle her feet in the sink while I wash dishes, she likes to count mezuzos around the house at every spare moment and get picked up to kiss them all, she cries at the door of the bathroom when I'm in there and shoves books at me if my eyes close. I feel like I'm bound up and I just can't reach the demands that are out there - get ready for Shabbos, clean the house, set the table for the yeshiva boys that we were having this week, put out the different courses while the men sing and talk, put Moshe Leib to bed, give the older girls any ounce of attention, she's always there demanding that I look at her and talk to her, ONLY. She's really cute, if I read to the other kids, she keeps manually turning my head so that my eyes lock with hers and makes me smile at her.
It would be all be so funny and flattering to see how much my kids want and need me if I didn't need to do so many other things too. Also maybe if there were more of me. I'm only one person and I could use some personal time too, as I have always been a person who needs space.
That's about it:) Please feel free to share with me your stories and moments of craziness, because if all I hear is "Oh, that used to happen to me until I became supermom and figured out the answers to everything" or "Weird, I never feel that way. You shouldn't have had that many kids in the first place", then I will just have to keep those kids home another week until I figure it all out:)