http://jewishmom.com/2016/09/11/avoiding-the-dangers-of-elul-12-minute-mommy-peptalk/
In this Pep Talk, Chana Jenny (author of Jewishmom.com) talks about the month of Elul being very dangerous for pitfalls of disempowerment. She talks about my favorite speaker Esther Baila Schwartz, how EB has been working anger for years and years. And this past year, she felt tremendous anger one day and felt like "was that all for nothing?!"
I too, felt this way! This past blog, I wrote about how calm I am. I mainly think I am calm, because people tell me this. I guess it's what I look like from the outside. But the night after I wrote that blog, I had the most uncalm moment in a looong time!!! This was exactly what JewishMOM spoke about! My husband was not in the house and I was the one putting all the kids to bed. (Some moms say, I'm ALWAYS the one putting them all to bed, what's the big deal?) But for me, Hashem knows my situation and my house and He knows what I need help with the most. My hardest, most challenging parent moment, is AFTER putting kids to bed, if they show up again. And again. And again. Once they are supposed to be in bed, I just expect to have space and do not want to see any of them until the morning. So of course, I get tested in this area a lot.
We had this guest over one Friday night with two little kids. A 1 year old and a 3 year old. We were discussing having our kids awake for Friday night and she said, What is a Shabbos seudah without children?? It sounded beautiful but I stuck to my opinion. When my children are tired, no one wants to be around them, that night and the entire next day. And I value my Shabbos seuodos that are just my husband and me, bli children.
Anyway, that night some of my children kept coming down, with issues. They were fighting, they were crying, they were just at eachother and over and over, they'd come back to me. One was supposed to have an earlier bedtime that night as a consequence for not caring about getting to school on time. And by 9:30, they were STILL crying and fighting. I had enough and I showed it. I went OPPOSITE of what I wrote about that day. So all you people who were feeling like you couldn't relate, RELATE.
And it made me feel awful, because I am supposed to be the Queen of Calm! Didn't I just write about it?!!
So today I listened to JewishMOM and she talked about the month of Elul having amazing potential for change and having amazing potential for pitfalls, which is the Yetzer Hora trying to get at you for what you think you're so good at. She warns against falling in these holes of despair. Do not think, "forget it, I'm never going to get there", just pick yourself up and continue. The YH is just out there to scare and try to get you to give up.
So if you are a Bitachon Master, or Queen of Calm or Beyond Anger, know that you are going to fail sometimes, but don't get depressed, the failures are there to help you become even MORE of what you are striving to be. Take advantage of Elul and just take small, little steps in the direction that you want to go in.
Monday, September 12, 2016
Wednesday, September 7, 2016
On being Calm
"Mommy, can I have pretzels with ketchup?"
I guess I just have to come to terms -- nothing on my list will get done while this kid is home and around me. If I just accept it, I'll stop feeling like I just want to SCREAM! She has a mind of her own and she wants me to hear it.
"Mommy I want sumping."
"Crackers?"
"no, I want sumping"
"pretzels? Yogurt?"
"No. Mommy I want sumping"
It's the age of toddlerhood, so adoring, yet so demanding and time consuming at the same time:) Hashem really put it into a good mixture - there's no getting mad at something so delicious and innocent!
This morning was challenging. The weather was gloomy, no one wanted to get out of bed. I woke up at 5am to nurse the baby, who promptly went back to sleep. I couldn't be on his schedule though because the next one wakes up at 6am, to get her bottle, to put her back to sleep. It's so nice that they all go back to sleep! If I had each one separately, I'd get so much sleep! Then my alarm rings at 6:30am to help the rest get off to school on time.
The mornings are filled with anxiety from the children who don't want to run off to school - I mean, who does? One of my happiest thoughts is that I don't have to go to school anymore. Then there's the last minute lunch prep, the frozen water bottles to take out, the tzeddakah that each child needs to bring, the mitzvah notes and the clingy almost 2 year old who ONLY wants Mommy. ("No, I want Mommy to do it.")
And amidst all that I feel exhausted and can't get my eyes open and my brain is affuzz. But here's how I do it. I talk to myself constantly "I know I am a wreck, but I will not show it." When the child bothers the toddler for the umpteenth time, I gently lift him and put him a time out, nice and quietly. I will not show my bad mood, it will not come out.
Mainly what pushes me is the guilt I'll feel later if the morning is a wreck and I had something to do with it. So I force my smile on, add some cheeriness to my voice and don't let one ounce of impatience come out. It is so easy to act for kids, all they crave is that sweet voice and smile, no matter if it's real or not.
Only my husband looks at me and say, "Wow. I have no idea how you can stay calm among all this."
That made me realize how many years it took to perfect my calmness. I am not a calm person inside at all. But on the outside, I've learned to do it just right to get everyone out with a smile on their face. I hope.
I guess I just have to come to terms -- nothing on my list will get done while this kid is home and around me. If I just accept it, I'll stop feeling like I just want to SCREAM! She has a mind of her own and she wants me to hear it.
"Mommy I want sumping."
"Crackers?"
"no, I want sumping"
"pretzels? Yogurt?"
"No. Mommy I want sumping"
It's the age of toddlerhood, so adoring, yet so demanding and time consuming at the same time:) Hashem really put it into a good mixture - there's no getting mad at something so delicious and innocent!
This morning was challenging. The weather was gloomy, no one wanted to get out of bed. I woke up at 5am to nurse the baby, who promptly went back to sleep. I couldn't be on his schedule though because the next one wakes up at 6am, to get her bottle, to put her back to sleep. It's so nice that they all go back to sleep! If I had each one separately, I'd get so much sleep! Then my alarm rings at 6:30am to help the rest get off to school on time.
The mornings are filled with anxiety from the children who don't want to run off to school - I mean, who does? One of my happiest thoughts is that I don't have to go to school anymore. Then there's the last minute lunch prep, the frozen water bottles to take out, the tzeddakah that each child needs to bring, the mitzvah notes and the clingy almost 2 year old who ONLY wants Mommy. ("No, I want Mommy to do it.")
And amidst all that I feel exhausted and can't get my eyes open and my brain is affuzz. But here's how I do it. I talk to myself constantly "I know I am a wreck, but I will not show it." When the child bothers the toddler for the umpteenth time, I gently lift him and put him a time out, nice and quietly. I will not show my bad mood, it will not come out.
Mainly what pushes me is the guilt I'll feel later if the morning is a wreck and I had something to do with it. So I force my smile on, add some cheeriness to my voice and don't let one ounce of impatience come out. It is so easy to act for kids, all they crave is that sweet voice and smile, no matter if it's real or not.
Only my husband looks at me and say, "Wow. I have no idea how you can stay calm among all this."
That made me realize how many years it took to perfect my calmness. I am not a calm person inside at all. But on the outside, I've learned to do it just right to get everyone out with a smile on their face. I hope.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)