Awhile ago my friend who has one baby sent me these questions to be answered by other moms. Here are the answers that I received:
1) How do you get stuff done with kids - especially with a baby?
IgotThisMOM: take advantage of nap time, switch off chores in different rooms to keep the baby interested, sometimes do out of the house errands (quick ones) so that baby comes home ready to play. take advantage of older children's help.
MusicMOM: I don't :) (just kidding) I get chores/dinner done when my baby naps. Or I put him in the high chair and he watches me cook (as long as that could last).
WorkingOnItMOM: baby carriers!!!
SincereMOM: I am really bad at getting things done with people around. I think it's all relative though, because when you have older kids, suddenly getting things done with only one baby at home is a cinch! When I need to work in the kitchen, I give my baby everything and anything to play with or eat: food, pots and pans, spoons, cups...I just keep handing her things and I also have music or a shiur playing to help distract her. To keep her real busy, I let her lick the bowl after baking a cake! When I need to fold laundry, I'll put down a fun toy near me, like a toy piano or some dolls.. Sometimes it helps to start her in a game, like building block towers. Once she gets all into it, I slowly move away. I find having music on really helps, because then I don't have to constantly talk to entertain her. I also sometimes leave some cheerios on a nearby chair for her too...
2) Do you follow a daily schedule for naps, feedings or anything else?
IGotThisMOM: fluid schedule - depending on the waking time of the baby and what I have to get done in the day but enough of a schedule to know why my baby is cranky when he is.
MusicMOM: Naps and feedings are pretty much on schedule but I'm not OCD about the schedule changing for whatever reason.
WorkingOnItMOM: Yes to a schedule. It usually works really well until age 2+.
SincereMOM: With naps I have a schedule, but it's more about how many hours the babys been awake, instead of a certain time. Works for us, BH! Feedings, no schedule, whenever she's awake and kvetchy. The rest of my day is usually scheduled the night before on paper, but never ever turns out how I want it to. I usually write down lists on my lists throughout the day as things pop up.
3) How often do you connect with friends? Do you make this a priority?
IGotThisMOM: I make excersize a priority and community events so social things are mixed in. Personal social times separate from those two categories is being worked on but I'm not the most social person in general.
MusicMOM: I text/call different friends but don't see them often in person. There's very little time during the week for social interaction.
WorkingOnItMOM: Yes, seek out other stay-at-home moms. Invite them over to be part of a rotation location play group.
SincereMOM: I text throughout the day, Email once in awhile and call if I really want to stay connected with someone. This is not a priority for me, but I do it for the other people who seem to need it. Once in awhile I feel lonely and do it for me, but BH my life is so busy that I don't feel the lack of not having friends around.
4) What do you do with your baby? How often do you interact throughout the day?
IGotThisMOM: We interact all the time. I am rarely on the phone during my children's waking hours and most of the things I get done are dependent on what my child's needs allow.
MusicMOM: Read books, go on walks, go grocery shopping, play on the floor, go to the park.
WorkingOnItMOM: Interact with your baby as much as you can! Talk to the baby a lot, just do things together. read your own books while nursing, enrich yourself, keep yourself busy, WEAR the baby so they have loving contact, and then whatever you do will be good for them. Keep in mind parenting is a good way to "improve ourselves" and be honest with ourselves about how much effort we make to fulfill our responsibilities and help others. So when you want to "scream" or something, just try to think, "I can pass this test."
SincereMOM: Everything is so fun and new for her, I don't really need to take her on outings just for her. It all depends on the baby's age though. I think from about 18 months or 2, they need to start going on outings that they would enjoy. But before then, just watching you turn on the mixer or put a load of laundry in is an exciting activity. I interact all the time, when I'm cooking, I'm busy handing her things, when I do laundry, I lift her up to watch the water in the machine, and going upstairs or down is a fun learning experience with stairs...
5) How often do you have guests for Shabbos?
IGotThisMOM: Not often at all. We have a very specific way that we run our Shabbos meals and our children don't get what they need when we have guests too often.
MusicMOM: We try to have guests every Shabbos unless we go out for a meal.
WorkingOnItMOM: Depends what you and your husband want and can handle. If you can streamline your preperations or simplify them to the "new normal" then you can successfully have guests. Although, it is harder with a nursing baby or if you get worried about waking a sleeping baby.
SincereMOM: Not often. We want to, but it's very hard to make a lot of food with kids and very hard to entertain guests with kids around. Unless the family has kids too, but then it's hard to make enough food for them. Maybe once a month...
6) How often are you on the phone or computer? Do you set times for this?
IGotThisMOM: Depends on the schedule of the day and what has to get done. I talk when my children are involved in something else and get off the phone when they need me and computer time is when I need a break and when the children are sleeping or otherwise engaged.
MusicMOM: Phone randomly throughout the day, computer only when my baby is sleeping (otherwise he tries getting it).
SincereMOM: Phone, I call one person daily, one weekly. It try to do it when baby is awake, because then I don't focus as strongly on getting something else done anyway. When baby is asleep, I try to run around and focus on getting housework done, not wasting time. Computer - at night for a short time - it's just the way we have it set up here.
7) How often are you able to daven, how much davening do you do?
IGotThisMOM: I daven briefly in the morning. No shmonei esrei if the baby is awake, if he's gone in for a morning nap then yes. Otherwise bercas hashacar, boruch shemar, mizmor lisoda, ashrei, shema. I say mizmor l'toda throughout the day as things happen and say Shema at bedtime. if I take a walk with just baby I listen to a shiur or when making Shabbos if no kids are around.
MusicMOM: Every day, but rarely full davening.
WorkingOnItMOM: Make a fairly short davening routine that you do out loud with baby/kid: modeh ani, reishis chochma, asher yatzar, torah blessings, shema veahavta. Make sure to do this out loud every day that you can. Then besides that, build the habit of davening for spontaneous things out loud throughout day, like when you hear a siren or someone gets sick or hurt.
SincereMOM: I daven before eating every day (unless I'm pregnant and can't wait!), that reminds me to do it. I say brochos and Shema (I added Mizmor L'sodah after having experienced a miracle). I can't focus on any more davening at this time in my life and I'm fine with it. When I see others daven more, I wonder if they're really having kavannah or just feel that they have to do it.
9) Any tips for advice for a new, worried mom?
IGotThisMOM: Remember that when your kids grow up they will not remember how clean your house was or how fancy your Shabbos meal but how much time you had for them and the experiences you shared. Make sure to take care of yourself (whatever that means to you) because a happy mom makes for happy children.
MusicMOM: Relax, it gets easier:)
SincereMOM: Ask your friends everything. And don't forget GOOGLE. It helps you see how normal all your worries really are.
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
Sukkos ponderings
First, I apologize for my distance to most of the people who're reaching out to me. I keep getting "chag sameach" texts or "how are you" emails that I've been unable to answer. I'm sorry. I'm not ignoring you and no I didn't replace you with my new Providence friends!
As I'm sure most of you can relate - our lives right now resemble... well, what does it resemble? Those overflowing hampers of dirty clothing that we just can't get to (cuz who does laundry on an Erev?), those dirty dishes that have to constantly be washed quickly for the next load of Yom Tov or Shabbos, those bathrooms that need to be cleaned AGAIN (everyones home all the time now) and of course those mounds and mounds of food menu lists that need to be cooked. Unless you're from another planet and you've already cooked everything last month and it's sitting in the freezer, numbered and dated. (Actually, I could think of one friend that might've done that!) Those Erevs, aren't they fun?! (My two non-Jewish readers are probably scratching their heads... huh?) I met this amazing blogger recently (not off topic, it's just one of my non-Jewish readers). Asweetpeach.com. I got her through Michelle's blog, which led to Mrs. Bass' blog, which led to one other blog where this person commented. Anyway, her name is Ashton and if any of you want to read her blog, you cannot live your life without getting to know her. Otherwise, you will be missing something. She is a person who is in constant, constant pain, due to a recent-ish diagnosis called Pre-MS as of now. Through all this, she opened a blog to help inspire people. She loves G-d and believes that He has a higher plan for her and does not blame Him in the least for her life. I don't know... I just think we can all really learn a lot from her.
Providence really does Sukkos well! Our first night (the night of the eclipse!) after our kids went to bed, my husband and I were eating the rest of the meal blessedly by ourselves. At around 9:30pm we started having non-stop visitors, ranging from age 7 to adult. We hung out with neighborhood kids, gave them some cookies, had some visitors who stayed to discuss deep Sukkos stuff, some just came to talk... It was fun! Instead of just us, we ended up really bonding with half the neighborhood. This was nice, after we were feeling down from being compared to the previous owners way too often. (The Minkins had a much bigger sukkah than you. The Minkins handed out the best nosh all night long. The Minkins' kids were up all night going Sukkah hopping...) I taught the kids to say, "Well, we are not the Minkins. We are the Gallors. (And we can be pretty cool ourselves!) We did impress people with our cool Sukkah lights, which apparently is not a big thing here in Providence. Decorations altogether are not that big here and those of you who know my handy, creative husband know how nice our Sukkah can look when he has the time.
Besides for that night, there was a Sukkah hop on both days, which was really well organized and looked like a lot of fun for everyone. There was lots of neighborhood bonding just by the fact that we're all eating outside just a few feet away from each other.
Chag Sameach and good luck with those Erevs!
As I'm sure most of you can relate - our lives right now resemble... well, what does it resemble? Those overflowing hampers of dirty clothing that we just can't get to (cuz who does laundry on an Erev?), those dirty dishes that have to constantly be washed quickly for the next load of Yom Tov or Shabbos, those bathrooms that need to be cleaned AGAIN (everyones home all the time now) and of course those mounds and mounds of food menu lists that need to be cooked. Unless you're from another planet and you've already cooked everything last month and it's sitting in the freezer, numbered and dated. (Actually, I could think of one friend that might've done that!) Those Erevs, aren't they fun?! (My two non-Jewish readers are probably scratching their heads... huh?) I met this amazing blogger recently (not off topic, it's just one of my non-Jewish readers). Asweetpeach.com. I got her through Michelle's blog, which led to Mrs. Bass' blog, which led to one other blog where this person commented. Anyway, her name is Ashton and if any of you want to read her blog, you cannot live your life without getting to know her. Otherwise, you will be missing something. She is a person who is in constant, constant pain, due to a recent-ish diagnosis called Pre-MS as of now. Through all this, she opened a blog to help inspire people. She loves G-d and believes that He has a higher plan for her and does not blame Him in the least for her life. I don't know... I just think we can all really learn a lot from her.
Providence really does Sukkos well! Our first night (the night of the eclipse!) after our kids went to bed, my husband and I were eating the rest of the meal blessedly by ourselves. At around 9:30pm we started having non-stop visitors, ranging from age 7 to adult. We hung out with neighborhood kids, gave them some cookies, had some visitors who stayed to discuss deep Sukkos stuff, some just came to talk... It was fun! Instead of just us, we ended up really bonding with half the neighborhood. This was nice, after we were feeling down from being compared to the previous owners way too often. (The Minkins had a much bigger sukkah than you. The Minkins handed out the best nosh all night long. The Minkins' kids were up all night going Sukkah hopping...) I taught the kids to say, "Well, we are not the Minkins. We are the Gallors. (And we can be pretty cool ourselves!) We did impress people with our cool Sukkah lights, which apparently is not a big thing here in Providence. Decorations altogether are not that big here and those of you who know my handy, creative husband know how nice our Sukkah can look when he has the time.
Besides for that night, there was a Sukkah hop on both days, which was really well organized and looked like a lot of fun for everyone. There was lots of neighborhood bonding just by the fact that we're all eating outside just a few feet away from each other.
Chag Sameach and good luck with those Erevs!
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
New Year Feel-Good post
Procrastinating because I hardly have time anyway, so might as well blog. School started at 9:30 today, have to leave at 11:40 to go do preschool lunch.
I wanted to share this article that enlightened me last week.
Someone wrote a letter that she made a to-do list every day, yet only got maybe one or nothing done each day. This threw her off and always made her feel so frustrated.
My sis-in-law who was here for Rosh Hashona (yay for family being close!) told us about a family in Israel that she helped that was really neglected. No baths for the kids, no real meals, no clean clothes etc.
The article talked about if your kids aren't neglected, you make 3 meals for everyone, you bathe them, kiss them at night and everyone has clean clothes in the morning - THAT is accomplishing!! Made me feel so good, BH my children are taken care of. Ok, so the house won't get clean until they move out, dishes can sit for days (don't tell...) and all those house projects are just ideas... but my kids are taken care of!! They are loved and clean and (hopefully) having a wonderful childhood!
It was so enlightening to realize that. I am doing a great job, despite my to-do lists suffering....
I wanted to share this article that enlightened me last week.
Someone wrote a letter that she made a to-do list every day, yet only got maybe one or nothing done each day. This threw her off and always made her feel so frustrated.
My sis-in-law who was here for Rosh Hashona (yay for family being close!) told us about a family in Israel that she helped that was really neglected. No baths for the kids, no real meals, no clean clothes etc.
The article talked about if your kids aren't neglected, you make 3 meals for everyone, you bathe them, kiss them at night and everyone has clean clothes in the morning - THAT is accomplishing!! Made me feel so good, BH my children are taken care of. Ok, so the house won't get clean until they move out, dishes can sit for days (don't tell...) and all those house projects are just ideas... but my kids are taken care of!! They are loved and clean and (hopefully) having a wonderful childhood!
It was so enlightening to realize that. I am doing a great job, despite my to-do lists suffering....
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Goodbye Mom-Mom
Today I said goodbye to one of my favorite people ever - Mom-Mom - my grandmother. It's hard to believe that she's not really here anymore. It was an emotional day, besides for the fact that we traveled the entire day, also that 3 of my children are spending the night with different people in Providence.
We left at 7:30, and got to the ceremony at 1:15. In the midst of driving, I realized that we had taken the kids' 3 overnight bags (including their Friday lunches) with us!! Ahhh... that was a panicking moment, until when we thought clearly, we realized that Hashem had planned that from the beginning. Don't know why, but it was planned. The neighbors still had our key which we gave them the last time we left and never remembered to take from them. Moshe Leib had his special blanket which would've been the most important thing. I had put it in his backpack in case he needed to zone out after school being at someone else's house. BH! The kids had mentioned that they didn't really need their "white noise" machine because they could always ask for a fan. The girls claimed they were too big for their special blankets and didn't care whether they had them... The people they stayed by mentioned that I could make them lunches or not, if I didn't, they would take care of it. Such nice people, strangers whom I felt totally awkward asking to take some of my kids overnight. So we started turning around, saw the traffic and spent a half hour getting back on the road.
The ceremony was heart breaking. My father, Mr. Non Emotional got up to speak and cried during most of his speech. (This was my last remaining grandparent - his mom.) Then my first cousin, oldest grandson spoke and talked all about some of my earliest memories of Mom-Mom.
Mom-Mom was the most special person ever. She wore a necklace of all of her grandchildren - 7 of us, plus all of our spouses - another 7. Then every time she had a new great grandchild, she added another charm - BH she died having 27 great grandchildren (when most of her friends had maybe 1 or 2). She was so happy with that. (That's what happens when your son becomes religious!)
She spoiled me rotten, since I was a kid. Gave me everything I ever wanted. Every Chanukah when she came to visit, she gave me and all my 5 siblings 8 gifts each!
When we visited her house in Cherry Hill, NJ every summer, the first thing I'd do is go to the bathroom and just stand there an inhale the smell of her house. I knew we were in for pure pleasure for an entire week! Every meal she made tasted ten times better than when other people made it. Shabbos cereal for every breakfast and some sort of extra special lunch too, like real grilled cheese in a pan, garlic bread made exactly right... her food was just awesome. I have loads of her recipes that I make all the time and they are always family favorites.
She played games with us all the time, took us swimming or on trips daily, had huge BBQs at night in our favor... In the morning, we'd climb into her bed and listen to her story telling. We woke her up, but she was always excited to see us, so happy to have us over and laid in bed telling us stories all morning long. (My mother looked forward to these visits for the break she got and the mall trip she got to take all by herself!) Ah, I just have so many fond memories of our visits to her house.
Anyway today was just mainly driving because the cemetery was about an hour away, it was pouring rain most of the time, which fit the mood great and then an hour back to my cousin's house where family and friends of my relatives just poured in. My immediate family clung to the side and ate our own personal kosher food in the corner, but so many people came over to tell us their memories of Mom-Mom. Mom-Mom is just one of those people that is so easy to talk about, she was such a character. She talked her mind and bossed us around but loved us so much that it just didn't matter. She had soo many friends too. Two people came over to me separately to tell me how Mom-Mom called them very often after their mom passed away, to be there for them. Her own mother passed away when she was very young and she lived with a mean stepmother for many, many years.
She was also beautiful inside and out until almost the last day of her life. She got her hair done every single Friday, no matter how sick she or her hairdresser was. She taught us that without makeup or jewelry, you are naked! She was fancy and always dressed to the nines.
In the last week of her life, she was getting weaker and weaker, due to a blood disorder and she was someone who always said that if she couldn't live life fully, we should shoot her. So she sort of "checked out" for about a week and was not responsive at all.
Two weeks before that, the day before her slow decline, my family and I got to visit her. We had a real visit, we got to see her new apartment that she spent about a year fixing up just right, she gave us ice cream and handed out so many presents to my kids! We hugged her, sat with her and got to really see her. The next day we stopped off for a quick hug before we left back to Providence. That hug was the last one I got to give her and I will be forever grateful that we went back for that last quick goodbye.
She was also my daily phonecall and she will be missed by so SO many people. She was just our everything and we loved her so much. Everyone was her favorite.
thanks for taking the time to read this:)
We left at 7:30, and got to the ceremony at 1:15. In the midst of driving, I realized that we had taken the kids' 3 overnight bags (including their Friday lunches) with us!! Ahhh... that was a panicking moment, until when we thought clearly, we realized that Hashem had planned that from the beginning. Don't know why, but it was planned. The neighbors still had our key which we gave them the last time we left and never remembered to take from them. Moshe Leib had his special blanket which would've been the most important thing. I had put it in his backpack in case he needed to zone out after school being at someone else's house. BH! The kids had mentioned that they didn't really need their "white noise" machine because they could always ask for a fan. The girls claimed they were too big for their special blankets and didn't care whether they had them... The people they stayed by mentioned that I could make them lunches or not, if I didn't, they would take care of it. Such nice people, strangers whom I felt totally awkward asking to take some of my kids overnight. So we started turning around, saw the traffic and spent a half hour getting back on the road.
The ceremony was heart breaking. My father, Mr. Non Emotional got up to speak and cried during most of his speech. (This was my last remaining grandparent - his mom.) Then my first cousin, oldest grandson spoke and talked all about some of my earliest memories of Mom-Mom.
Mom-Mom was the most special person ever. She wore a necklace of all of her grandchildren - 7 of us, plus all of our spouses - another 7. Then every time she had a new great grandchild, she added another charm - BH she died having 27 great grandchildren (when most of her friends had maybe 1 or 2). She was so happy with that. (That's what happens when your son becomes religious!)
She spoiled me rotten, since I was a kid. Gave me everything I ever wanted. Every Chanukah when she came to visit, she gave me and all my 5 siblings 8 gifts each!
When we visited her house in Cherry Hill, NJ every summer, the first thing I'd do is go to the bathroom and just stand there an inhale the smell of her house. I knew we were in for pure pleasure for an entire week! Every meal she made tasted ten times better than when other people made it. Shabbos cereal for every breakfast and some sort of extra special lunch too, like real grilled cheese in a pan, garlic bread made exactly right... her food was just awesome. I have loads of her recipes that I make all the time and they are always family favorites.
She played games with us all the time, took us swimming or on trips daily, had huge BBQs at night in our favor... In the morning, we'd climb into her bed and listen to her story telling. We woke her up, but she was always excited to see us, so happy to have us over and laid in bed telling us stories all morning long. (My mother looked forward to these visits for the break she got and the mall trip she got to take all by herself!) Ah, I just have so many fond memories of our visits to her house.
Anyway today was just mainly driving because the cemetery was about an hour away, it was pouring rain most of the time, which fit the mood great and then an hour back to my cousin's house where family and friends of my relatives just poured in. My immediate family clung to the side and ate our own personal kosher food in the corner, but so many people came over to tell us their memories of Mom-Mom. Mom-Mom is just one of those people that is so easy to talk about, she was such a character. She talked her mind and bossed us around but loved us so much that it just didn't matter. She had soo many friends too. Two people came over to me separately to tell me how Mom-Mom called them very often after their mom passed away, to be there for them. Her own mother passed away when she was very young and she lived with a mean stepmother for many, many years.
She was also beautiful inside and out until almost the last day of her life. She got her hair done every single Friday, no matter how sick she or her hairdresser was. She taught us that without makeup or jewelry, you are naked! She was fancy and always dressed to the nines.
In the last week of her life, she was getting weaker and weaker, due to a blood disorder and she was someone who always said that if she couldn't live life fully, we should shoot her. So she sort of "checked out" for about a week and was not responsive at all.
Two weeks before that, the day before her slow decline, my family and I got to visit her. We had a real visit, we got to see her new apartment that she spent about a year fixing up just right, she gave us ice cream and handed out so many presents to my kids! We hugged her, sat with her and got to really see her. The next day we stopped off for a quick hug before we left back to Providence. That hug was the last one I got to give her and I will be forever grateful that we went back for that last quick goodbye.
She was also my daily phonecall and she will be missed by so SO many people. She was just our everything and we loved her so much. Everyone was her favorite.
thanks for taking the time to read this:)
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