They’re in school!!!
The image I used to like having as a mother was that I would
never say that line. I would be the mother that was upset when they started
school because I loved having them at home. I love having my kids close to me
and I love spending time with them.
It’s been a hard summer.
Last Shabbos, a mom in the park asked me if I was looking
forward to school. I said, “Yes! Yes! Yes!!” And I asked her and she said, “No
not really. I really love doing fun stuff with my kids and there’s never enough
time. I don’t like school, too much work.”
What I heard was, ‘You are horrible for wanting to get rid
of your kids. This is what you’re supposed to be like. I bet you can’t imagine
that mothers actually enjoy having their kids at home, well here’s something new
to digest.’
It hit me hard. Because I was that, or I strive to be that
or wish I was that. But then again, there’s no comparison, this mother has
older children (albeit way more than I do) she has a car and she has the
ability to drive her kids wherever and whenever. I can blame it on anything.
But my summer was tough. I have a nap schedule to stick to and a tantrumy
toddler who took up a lot of my energy. And BH I also have a 7 year old boy who
does not do well with boredom and does not know what to do with his time. The
best days where when there was a backyard camp for 3 days. I sent him and was
thinking – only $25?! Girl, you could’ve asked me for $100 and I would’ve paid!
With him out of the house, we were able to do “camp” as slow
as we wanted to. In between activities when I stop to nurse, to eat, to calm
the tantrums and to make meals, my older daughters just knew what to do. Give them a paper
and pen and they’re off creating worlds – literally. They make families, with
ages, character traits, classmates, friends – not only drawing but writing an
entire history and future for each character. Thank G-d, Penina learned the art
of imagination. Give her some stuffed animals and she’s off traveling to
Chicago and talking away to herself. But not my Mo – he waits and waits and
looks at his watch and waits. He needed a camp that went from activity to
activity – bam, bam, bam.
When I told someone I was sending Penina out, she said, “Wait,
you like having your kids home. What happened?”
I changed.
I was the mom that wanted to nurse til age 2, sleep with my
child in my bed and wear them all day, keep them home and teach them until
kindergarten and hate sending them out.
Now I am the mom who nurses yes, but kicks them out of my
bed as soon as they head-butt (which is about 1 week old!), hands the baby to
anyone anywhere – just to get my hands free, sends them to school ASAP and does
not teach them a thing – that’s the teacher’s job, leave me out of it. And get
to school now and stay as long as you can!!
What happened? Laundry. Dishes. Smelly bathrooms. Quiet houses
with time to clean, messy sticky floors, meals that need to be ready BEFORE the
crowd descends, a brain that needs to be left alone for at least an hour a day.
AND I’M PROUD OF IT!!! Because it means more bracha in the house. The more
kids, the more me time I need and the more I can feel proud of who I am and not
the image I want to portray. I used to care what people think. Now there is
only a select few I care to impress! I am the one that's important around here.
