Debating -- write a blog or just write a personal email to one person? The reason I hesitate to write a blog when I'm exhausted and wiped from a long day is because of what happened a long time a go. I used to have a blog - well, I used to have many blogs. They're like journals but with responses. The problem is that most of my responses, rather all of them, are from people that I know. Maybe sometimes it would be easier to write an anonymous blog and get responses from people I DON'T know - then I wouldn't have to censor everything I say for fear of who's reading it!
A long time ago I used my blog to complain. I was going through a really really REALLY hard time with my child who had finished with a huge bout of hospitalized disease and became an anxiety filled monster. Actually we already went through this twice with her and BH now she is on anxiety medication which will hopefully keep away future anxiety monster eruptions.
But I was using my blog to complain. My husband was away at the "Harvest" and I had a child who would not let me leave her sight. It was long and hard and blogged about it all the time. A friend of mine was really bugged by this, the loshon hora that was pouring out of the blog and the way I was I was handling my parenting. She wrote me a long letter which hurt me and made me shut down my blog and my complaining publicly. After a few months, we got together and talked it out. I learned a lot from her and from different paths of help that Hashem sent me (SUPERNANNY!).
Now though, I hesitate to complain on a public blog. But this is not very public - it's mostly family and close friends, so here I am - complaining once again.
As mothers, I think we should have the right to complain once in awhile. We can't hold everything in all the time. And I'm sure, after the night is over and I've had a full night of sleep BH I can get some version of that nowadays, I will feel very differently about my day.
The first thing that threw me off is that we had a doctor's appt for 2 of my children today. There went about 2 of the hours that I usually spend at home alone with Nini. Nini also has been acting differently in the past day, cranky, tooth related I'm assuming. Anyway, she fell asleep in the car at 9am (naptime was scheduled for 10:30) and slept through the appt until about 10. That's all nice for the appointment, we were able to focus on the task at hand, except it then took away from the nap that was supposed to happen while I frantically ran around the house knocking things off my to-do list. (Yeah right - when's the last time THAT happened?!)
So my normally 8:30am day started off at 11am, with an awake baby. Things went sloooow. I got dinner made and lunches made for the next day, which is an accomplishment in itself which I wrote about in a previous blog. It's not about what gets done on the list, it's about my children being taken care of and happy. If I didn't know that, I would've been more miserable, thinking nothing got done. But I don't think that anymore - I now know that making dinner and lunches is a HUGE accomplishment - EVEN IF IT GOT DONE IN 4 HOURS! How did I only do those things in 4 hours? Beats me. I'd love to have a minute by minute video to analyze.
After some of the kids got picked up, we stuck Nini in for a 2nd nap, which doesn't exist anymore on normal days, but today wasn't a normal nap day. She slept from 3:40 til 5pm - NOT GOOD says the Nap Book. Too Bad, says Mommy who needs a Nini Break. (When she's tired, she tends to live in my arms. 19 pounds now kh.)
Things were calm for a bit, my brain was frantically going through everything on my list, wondering which things to get done. The voices were saying though, "Don't do anything. It's okay to sit for a moment. The Kids are home anyway, if you try to do anything, they'll just need you. Give them attention." So nothing gone done and they didn't get attention because I was busy trying to figure out if I should be working or not.
Tatty came home and we ate dinner. It was one of those 'everybody talking at once, Penina yelling for food, kids bouncing out of their seats' types of dinner. Ever experienced that?
Then Tatty left to go pick up diapers which somebody forgot to notice we were out of and then Tatty went straight from there to a meeting, which he is still at now at 8:30pm.
Older kids decided to focus on homework because bedtime was imminent and suddenly realized they needed a grownups help. Penina, who is usually out of the picture by this time, was wide awake due to the late nap. Mo needed his personal game and bedtime songs and help putting on his pajamas and brushing his teeth. And Neighbor called asking to borrow a dvd player which was somewhere in some box, last seen the last time we went on an airplane. Mom went to look for it and offered up a few prayers of HELP!
Now all is quiet, I have no idea how and house is a pain of a mess to look at. Dinner is still out, lunches need to be cleaned out and put together and here I am doing my complaining. Siiigh, that felt good. Thank you for your time:) SuperMom here I cooooome..........
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Sara - Outgoing Social Butterfly
I've changed. It's such a shock!
When I lived in Seattle, I needed quiet in the mornings while everyone was out. I hated getting on the phone, because it would distract me. I couldn't turn on music because it gave me a headache and I could only listen to a shiur while doing mindless washing dishes tasks. I had loads of friends BH (hi;) but didn't appreciate them or hang out as much as I should have.
Now that I've moved, I can't stand the silence. When everyone leaves, my mind jumps all over the place. The silence is depressing and music helps calm the mind. I have music on all day, I text and Email and love getting on the phone! Today I got to do a lot of that and I realized how different my mood is when I'm social. I get so much more done! How is that possible that I used to get distracted while talking and got nothing done, and now I get so much more done while talking?! Can a person change that much?
Maybe it's being somewhere new. At this point, it's not that I don't have friends here, I don't even want to be friends with most people here shsh, don't tell. They'll just never live up to my fun Seattle friends!!! I make small talk all the time, but I'm so tired of small talk. And the kids... I LOVE the kids here! I always loved kids here, but they're my friends. This morning, Penina and I spent two hours volunteering at school, watching the kids after they got their flu shots. This school asks for A LOT of volunteer hours, we are to volunteer as much as our schedule allows it. I spent the whole morning, just hanging out with everyone while they waited off the 15 minute post-shot time. It was so nice! I guess it just takes more to try to like adults as much as kids. Kids just talk and talk and talk and nobody has to worry about if they like you or not.
There's probably a whole process that people go through when they move. (L'havdil like a death - the different stages of bereavement, which we should never know of...) Someone (Elisheva Hiller) did tell me the whole process once. She said we'll reach the part where we just want to go back home. I think we've reached that. Menucha constantly asks if she could move back. She has a miserable class here - the girls are cliquey and constantly play that friend game - best friends/hate eachother... I think it's the age, I think RM went through that at this age in Seattle. It's sad because she hasn't been there long enough to feel settled with this group of girls yet and whenever I'm around them, I don't really see any of them being nice to her. She's lonely, but I don't think she picks up on it. She just knows she misses her friends in Seattle, but doesn't know why. BH, everyone loves RM in her class. She's easy to love, pretty and quiet BH. She gets tired of too many friends! And Mo, he has thrived immensely here! None of you would recognize him! He plays all day with all the boys here, no matter what age. He BEGS to go to shul on Shabbos and be part of the boy crowd. He said to me, "Isn't Providence nice?" I asked why, and he answered, "So many friends, so many doors to knock on!" BH.
Anyway, please Email me, text me... I am that new social bird, the one that answered in the previous blog "I don't find a need for friends, but I contact them because I think they need it." That seems to have been the old me. I hope I don't get clingy and desperate;)
When I lived in Seattle, I needed quiet in the mornings while everyone was out. I hated getting on the phone, because it would distract me. I couldn't turn on music because it gave me a headache and I could only listen to a shiur while doing mindless washing dishes tasks. I had loads of friends BH (hi;) but didn't appreciate them or hang out as much as I should have.
Now that I've moved, I can't stand the silence. When everyone leaves, my mind jumps all over the place. The silence is depressing and music helps calm the mind. I have music on all day, I text and Email and love getting on the phone! Today I got to do a lot of that and I realized how different my mood is when I'm social. I get so much more done! How is that possible that I used to get distracted while talking and got nothing done, and now I get so much more done while talking?! Can a person change that much?
Maybe it's being somewhere new. At this point, it's not that I don't have friends here, I don't even want to be friends with most people here shsh, don't tell. They'll just never live up to my fun Seattle friends!!! I make small talk all the time, but I'm so tired of small talk. And the kids... I LOVE the kids here! I always loved kids here, but they're my friends. This morning, Penina and I spent two hours volunteering at school, watching the kids after they got their flu shots. This school asks for A LOT of volunteer hours, we are to volunteer as much as our schedule allows it. I spent the whole morning, just hanging out with everyone while they waited off the 15 minute post-shot time. It was so nice! I guess it just takes more to try to like adults as much as kids. Kids just talk and talk and talk and nobody has to worry about if they like you or not.
There's probably a whole process that people go through when they move. (L'havdil like a death - the different stages of bereavement, which we should never know of...) Someone (Elisheva Hiller) did tell me the whole process once. She said we'll reach the part where we just want to go back home. I think we've reached that. Menucha constantly asks if she could move back. She has a miserable class here - the girls are cliquey and constantly play that friend game - best friends/hate eachother... I think it's the age, I think RM went through that at this age in Seattle. It's sad because she hasn't been there long enough to feel settled with this group of girls yet and whenever I'm around them, I don't really see any of them being nice to her. She's lonely, but I don't think she picks up on it. She just knows she misses her friends in Seattle, but doesn't know why. BH, everyone loves RM in her class. She's easy to love, pretty and quiet BH. She gets tired of too many friends! And Mo, he has thrived immensely here! None of you would recognize him! He plays all day with all the boys here, no matter what age. He BEGS to go to shul on Shabbos and be part of the boy crowd. He said to me, "Isn't Providence nice?" I asked why, and he answered, "So many friends, so many doors to knock on!" BH.
Anyway, please Email me, text me... I am that new social bird, the one that answered in the previous blog "I don't find a need for friends, but I contact them because I think they need it." That seems to have been the old me. I hope I don't get clingy and desperate;)
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Answers to Mommy Questions
Awhile ago my friend who has one baby sent me these questions to be answered by other moms. Here are the answers that I received:
1) How do you get stuff done with kids - especially with a baby?
IgotThisMOM: take advantage of nap time, switch off chores in different rooms to keep the baby interested, sometimes do out of the house errands (quick ones) so that baby comes home ready to play. take advantage of older children's help.
MusicMOM: I don't :) (just kidding) I get chores/dinner done when my baby naps. Or I put him in the high chair and he watches me cook (as long as that could last).
WorkingOnItMOM: baby carriers!!!
SincereMOM: I am really bad at getting things done with people around. I think it's all relative though, because when you have older kids, suddenly getting things done with only one baby at home is a cinch! When I need to work in the kitchen, I give my baby everything and anything to play with or eat: food, pots and pans, spoons, cups...I just keep handing her things and I also have music or a shiur playing to help distract her. To keep her real busy, I let her lick the bowl after baking a cake! When I need to fold laundry, I'll put down a fun toy near me, like a toy piano or some dolls.. Sometimes it helps to start her in a game, like building block towers. Once she gets all into it, I slowly move away. I find having music on really helps, because then I don't have to constantly talk to entertain her. I also sometimes leave some cheerios on a nearby chair for her too...
2) Do you follow a daily schedule for naps, feedings or anything else?
IGotThisMOM: fluid schedule - depending on the waking time of the baby and what I have to get done in the day but enough of a schedule to know why my baby is cranky when he is.
MusicMOM: Naps and feedings are pretty much on schedule but I'm not OCD about the schedule changing for whatever reason.
WorkingOnItMOM: Yes to a schedule. It usually works really well until age 2+.
SincereMOM: With naps I have a schedule, but it's more about how many hours the babys been awake, instead of a certain time. Works for us, BH! Feedings, no schedule, whenever she's awake and kvetchy. The rest of my day is usually scheduled the night before on paper, but never ever turns out how I want it to. I usually write down lists on my lists throughout the day as things pop up.
3) How often do you connect with friends? Do you make this a priority?
IGotThisMOM: I make excersize a priority and community events so social things are mixed in. Personal social times separate from those two categories is being worked on but I'm not the most social person in general.
MusicMOM: I text/call different friends but don't see them often in person. There's very little time during the week for social interaction.
WorkingOnItMOM: Yes, seek out other stay-at-home moms. Invite them over to be part of a rotation location play group.
SincereMOM: I text throughout the day, Email once in awhile and call if I really want to stay connected with someone. This is not a priority for me, but I do it for the other people who seem to need it. Once in awhile I feel lonely and do it for me, but BH my life is so busy that I don't feel the lack of not having friends around.
4) What do you do with your baby? How often do you interact throughout the day?
IGotThisMOM: We interact all the time. I am rarely on the phone during my children's waking hours and most of the things I get done are dependent on what my child's needs allow.
MusicMOM: Read books, go on walks, go grocery shopping, play on the floor, go to the park.
WorkingOnItMOM: Interact with your baby as much as you can! Talk to the baby a lot, just do things together. read your own books while nursing, enrich yourself, keep yourself busy, WEAR the baby so they have loving contact, and then whatever you do will be good for them. Keep in mind parenting is a good way to "improve ourselves" and be honest with ourselves about how much effort we make to fulfill our responsibilities and help others. So when you want to "scream" or something, just try to think, "I can pass this test."
SincereMOM: Everything is so fun and new for her, I don't really need to take her on outings just for her. It all depends on the baby's age though. I think from about 18 months or 2, they need to start going on outings that they would enjoy. But before then, just watching you turn on the mixer or put a load of laundry in is an exciting activity. I interact all the time, when I'm cooking, I'm busy handing her things, when I do laundry, I lift her up to watch the water in the machine, and going upstairs or down is a fun learning experience with stairs...
5) How often do you have guests for Shabbos?
IGotThisMOM: Not often at all. We have a very specific way that we run our Shabbos meals and our children don't get what they need when we have guests too often.
MusicMOM: We try to have guests every Shabbos unless we go out for a meal.
WorkingOnItMOM: Depends what you and your husband want and can handle. If you can streamline your preperations or simplify them to the "new normal" then you can successfully have guests. Although, it is harder with a nursing baby or if you get worried about waking a sleeping baby.
SincereMOM: Not often. We want to, but it's very hard to make a lot of food with kids and very hard to entertain guests with kids around. Unless the family has kids too, but then it's hard to make enough food for them. Maybe once a month...
6) How often are you on the phone or computer? Do you set times for this?
IGotThisMOM: Depends on the schedule of the day and what has to get done. I talk when my children are involved in something else and get off the phone when they need me and computer time is when I need a break and when the children are sleeping or otherwise engaged.
MusicMOM: Phone randomly throughout the day, computer only when my baby is sleeping (otherwise he tries getting it).
SincereMOM: Phone, I call one person daily, one weekly. It try to do it when baby is awake, because then I don't focus as strongly on getting something else done anyway. When baby is asleep, I try to run around and focus on getting housework done, not wasting time. Computer - at night for a short time - it's just the way we have it set up here.
7) How often are you able to daven, how much davening do you do?
IGotThisMOM: I daven briefly in the morning. No shmonei esrei if the baby is awake, if he's gone in for a morning nap then yes. Otherwise bercas hashacar, boruch shemar, mizmor lisoda, ashrei, shema. I say mizmor l'toda throughout the day as things happen and say Shema at bedtime. if I take a walk with just baby I listen to a shiur or when making Shabbos if no kids are around.
MusicMOM: Every day, but rarely full davening.
WorkingOnItMOM: Make a fairly short davening routine that you do out loud with baby/kid: modeh ani, reishis chochma, asher yatzar, torah blessings, shema veahavta. Make sure to do this out loud every day that you can. Then besides that, build the habit of davening for spontaneous things out loud throughout day, like when you hear a siren or someone gets sick or hurt.
SincereMOM: I daven before eating every day (unless I'm pregnant and can't wait!), that reminds me to do it. I say brochos and Shema (I added Mizmor L'sodah after having experienced a miracle). I can't focus on any more davening at this time in my life and I'm fine with it. When I see others daven more, I wonder if they're really having kavannah or just feel that they have to do it.
9) Any tips for advice for a new, worried mom?
IGotThisMOM: Remember that when your kids grow up they will not remember how clean your house was or how fancy your Shabbos meal but how much time you had for them and the experiences you shared. Make sure to take care of yourself (whatever that means to you) because a happy mom makes for happy children.
MusicMOM: Relax, it gets easier:)
SincereMOM: Ask your friends everything. And don't forget GOOGLE. It helps you see how normal all your worries really are.
1) How do you get stuff done with kids - especially with a baby?
IgotThisMOM: take advantage of nap time, switch off chores in different rooms to keep the baby interested, sometimes do out of the house errands (quick ones) so that baby comes home ready to play. take advantage of older children's help.
MusicMOM: I don't :) (just kidding) I get chores/dinner done when my baby naps. Or I put him in the high chair and he watches me cook (as long as that could last).
WorkingOnItMOM: baby carriers!!!
SincereMOM: I am really bad at getting things done with people around. I think it's all relative though, because when you have older kids, suddenly getting things done with only one baby at home is a cinch! When I need to work in the kitchen, I give my baby everything and anything to play with or eat: food, pots and pans, spoons, cups...I just keep handing her things and I also have music or a shiur playing to help distract her. To keep her real busy, I let her lick the bowl after baking a cake! When I need to fold laundry, I'll put down a fun toy near me, like a toy piano or some dolls.. Sometimes it helps to start her in a game, like building block towers. Once she gets all into it, I slowly move away. I find having music on really helps, because then I don't have to constantly talk to entertain her. I also sometimes leave some cheerios on a nearby chair for her too...
2) Do you follow a daily schedule for naps, feedings or anything else?
IGotThisMOM: fluid schedule - depending on the waking time of the baby and what I have to get done in the day but enough of a schedule to know why my baby is cranky when he is.
MusicMOM: Naps and feedings are pretty much on schedule but I'm not OCD about the schedule changing for whatever reason.
WorkingOnItMOM: Yes to a schedule. It usually works really well until age 2+.
SincereMOM: With naps I have a schedule, but it's more about how many hours the babys been awake, instead of a certain time. Works for us, BH! Feedings, no schedule, whenever she's awake and kvetchy. The rest of my day is usually scheduled the night before on paper, but never ever turns out how I want it to. I usually write down lists on my lists throughout the day as things pop up.
3) How often do you connect with friends? Do you make this a priority?
IGotThisMOM: I make excersize a priority and community events so social things are mixed in. Personal social times separate from those two categories is being worked on but I'm not the most social person in general.
MusicMOM: I text/call different friends but don't see them often in person. There's very little time during the week for social interaction.
WorkingOnItMOM: Yes, seek out other stay-at-home moms. Invite them over to be part of a rotation location play group.
SincereMOM: I text throughout the day, Email once in awhile and call if I really want to stay connected with someone. This is not a priority for me, but I do it for the other people who seem to need it. Once in awhile I feel lonely and do it for me, but BH my life is so busy that I don't feel the lack of not having friends around.
4) What do you do with your baby? How often do you interact throughout the day?
IGotThisMOM: We interact all the time. I am rarely on the phone during my children's waking hours and most of the things I get done are dependent on what my child's needs allow.
MusicMOM: Read books, go on walks, go grocery shopping, play on the floor, go to the park.
WorkingOnItMOM: Interact with your baby as much as you can! Talk to the baby a lot, just do things together. read your own books while nursing, enrich yourself, keep yourself busy, WEAR the baby so they have loving contact, and then whatever you do will be good for them. Keep in mind parenting is a good way to "improve ourselves" and be honest with ourselves about how much effort we make to fulfill our responsibilities and help others. So when you want to "scream" or something, just try to think, "I can pass this test."
SincereMOM: Everything is so fun and new for her, I don't really need to take her on outings just for her. It all depends on the baby's age though. I think from about 18 months or 2, they need to start going on outings that they would enjoy. But before then, just watching you turn on the mixer or put a load of laundry in is an exciting activity. I interact all the time, when I'm cooking, I'm busy handing her things, when I do laundry, I lift her up to watch the water in the machine, and going upstairs or down is a fun learning experience with stairs...
5) How often do you have guests for Shabbos?
IGotThisMOM: Not often at all. We have a very specific way that we run our Shabbos meals and our children don't get what they need when we have guests too often.
MusicMOM: We try to have guests every Shabbos unless we go out for a meal.
WorkingOnItMOM: Depends what you and your husband want and can handle. If you can streamline your preperations or simplify them to the "new normal" then you can successfully have guests. Although, it is harder with a nursing baby or if you get worried about waking a sleeping baby.
SincereMOM: Not often. We want to, but it's very hard to make a lot of food with kids and very hard to entertain guests with kids around. Unless the family has kids too, but then it's hard to make enough food for them. Maybe once a month...
6) How often are you on the phone or computer? Do you set times for this?
IGotThisMOM: Depends on the schedule of the day and what has to get done. I talk when my children are involved in something else and get off the phone when they need me and computer time is when I need a break and when the children are sleeping or otherwise engaged.
MusicMOM: Phone randomly throughout the day, computer only when my baby is sleeping (otherwise he tries getting it).
SincereMOM: Phone, I call one person daily, one weekly. It try to do it when baby is awake, because then I don't focus as strongly on getting something else done anyway. When baby is asleep, I try to run around and focus on getting housework done, not wasting time. Computer - at night for a short time - it's just the way we have it set up here.
7) How often are you able to daven, how much davening do you do?
IGotThisMOM: I daven briefly in the morning. No shmonei esrei if the baby is awake, if he's gone in for a morning nap then yes. Otherwise bercas hashacar, boruch shemar, mizmor lisoda, ashrei, shema. I say mizmor l'toda throughout the day as things happen and say Shema at bedtime. if I take a walk with just baby I listen to a shiur or when making Shabbos if no kids are around.
MusicMOM: Every day, but rarely full davening.
WorkingOnItMOM: Make a fairly short davening routine that you do out loud with baby/kid: modeh ani, reishis chochma, asher yatzar, torah blessings, shema veahavta. Make sure to do this out loud every day that you can. Then besides that, build the habit of davening for spontaneous things out loud throughout day, like when you hear a siren or someone gets sick or hurt.
SincereMOM: I daven before eating every day (unless I'm pregnant and can't wait!), that reminds me to do it. I say brochos and Shema (I added Mizmor L'sodah after having experienced a miracle). I can't focus on any more davening at this time in my life and I'm fine with it. When I see others daven more, I wonder if they're really having kavannah or just feel that they have to do it.
9) Any tips for advice for a new, worried mom?
IGotThisMOM: Remember that when your kids grow up they will not remember how clean your house was or how fancy your Shabbos meal but how much time you had for them and the experiences you shared. Make sure to take care of yourself (whatever that means to you) because a happy mom makes for happy children.
MusicMOM: Relax, it gets easier:)
SincereMOM: Ask your friends everything. And don't forget GOOGLE. It helps you see how normal all your worries really are.
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
Sukkos ponderings
First, I apologize for my distance to most of the people who're reaching out to me. I keep getting "chag sameach" texts or "how are you" emails that I've been unable to answer. I'm sorry. I'm not ignoring you and no I didn't replace you with my new Providence friends!
As I'm sure most of you can relate - our lives right now resemble... well, what does it resemble? Those overflowing hampers of dirty clothing that we just can't get to (cuz who does laundry on an Erev?), those dirty dishes that have to constantly be washed quickly for the next load of Yom Tov or Shabbos, those bathrooms that need to be cleaned AGAIN (everyones home all the time now) and of course those mounds and mounds of food menu lists that need to be cooked. Unless you're from another planet and you've already cooked everything last month and it's sitting in the freezer, numbered and dated. (Actually, I could think of one friend that might've done that!) Those Erevs, aren't they fun?! (My two non-Jewish readers are probably scratching their heads... huh?) I met this amazing blogger recently (not off topic, it's just one of my non-Jewish readers). Asweetpeach.com. I got her through Michelle's blog, which led to Mrs. Bass' blog, which led to one other blog where this person commented. Anyway, her name is Ashton and if any of you want to read her blog, you cannot live your life without getting to know her. Otherwise, you will be missing something. She is a person who is in constant, constant pain, due to a recent-ish diagnosis called Pre-MS as of now. Through all this, she opened a blog to help inspire people. She loves G-d and believes that He has a higher plan for her and does not blame Him in the least for her life. I don't know... I just think we can all really learn a lot from her.
Providence really does Sukkos well! Our first night (the night of the eclipse!) after our kids went to bed, my husband and I were eating the rest of the meal blessedly by ourselves. At around 9:30pm we started having non-stop visitors, ranging from age 7 to adult. We hung out with neighborhood kids, gave them some cookies, had some visitors who stayed to discuss deep Sukkos stuff, some just came to talk... It was fun! Instead of just us, we ended up really bonding with half the neighborhood. This was nice, after we were feeling down from being compared to the previous owners way too often. (The Minkins had a much bigger sukkah than you. The Minkins handed out the best nosh all night long. The Minkins' kids were up all night going Sukkah hopping...) I taught the kids to say, "Well, we are not the Minkins. We are the Gallors. (And we can be pretty cool ourselves!) We did impress people with our cool Sukkah lights, which apparently is not a big thing here in Providence. Decorations altogether are not that big here and those of you who know my handy, creative husband know how nice our Sukkah can look when he has the time.
Besides for that night, there was a Sukkah hop on both days, which was really well organized and looked like a lot of fun for everyone. There was lots of neighborhood bonding just by the fact that we're all eating outside just a few feet away from each other.
Chag Sameach and good luck with those Erevs!
As I'm sure most of you can relate - our lives right now resemble... well, what does it resemble? Those overflowing hampers of dirty clothing that we just can't get to (cuz who does laundry on an Erev?), those dirty dishes that have to constantly be washed quickly for the next load of Yom Tov or Shabbos, those bathrooms that need to be cleaned AGAIN (everyones home all the time now) and of course those mounds and mounds of food menu lists that need to be cooked. Unless you're from another planet and you've already cooked everything last month and it's sitting in the freezer, numbered and dated. (Actually, I could think of one friend that might've done that!) Those Erevs, aren't they fun?! (My two non-Jewish readers are probably scratching their heads... huh?) I met this amazing blogger recently (not off topic, it's just one of my non-Jewish readers). Asweetpeach.com. I got her through Michelle's blog, which led to Mrs. Bass' blog, which led to one other blog where this person commented. Anyway, her name is Ashton and if any of you want to read her blog, you cannot live your life without getting to know her. Otherwise, you will be missing something. She is a person who is in constant, constant pain, due to a recent-ish diagnosis called Pre-MS as of now. Through all this, she opened a blog to help inspire people. She loves G-d and believes that He has a higher plan for her and does not blame Him in the least for her life. I don't know... I just think we can all really learn a lot from her.
Providence really does Sukkos well! Our first night (the night of the eclipse!) after our kids went to bed, my husband and I were eating the rest of the meal blessedly by ourselves. At around 9:30pm we started having non-stop visitors, ranging from age 7 to adult. We hung out with neighborhood kids, gave them some cookies, had some visitors who stayed to discuss deep Sukkos stuff, some just came to talk... It was fun! Instead of just us, we ended up really bonding with half the neighborhood. This was nice, after we were feeling down from being compared to the previous owners way too often. (The Minkins had a much bigger sukkah than you. The Minkins handed out the best nosh all night long. The Minkins' kids were up all night going Sukkah hopping...) I taught the kids to say, "Well, we are not the Minkins. We are the Gallors. (And we can be pretty cool ourselves!) We did impress people with our cool Sukkah lights, which apparently is not a big thing here in Providence. Decorations altogether are not that big here and those of you who know my handy, creative husband know how nice our Sukkah can look when he has the time.
Besides for that night, there was a Sukkah hop on both days, which was really well organized and looked like a lot of fun for everyone. There was lots of neighborhood bonding just by the fact that we're all eating outside just a few feet away from each other.
Chag Sameach and good luck with those Erevs!
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
New Year Feel-Good post
Procrastinating because I hardly have time anyway, so might as well blog. School started at 9:30 today, have to leave at 11:40 to go do preschool lunch.
I wanted to share this article that enlightened me last week.
Someone wrote a letter that she made a to-do list every day, yet only got maybe one or nothing done each day. This threw her off and always made her feel so frustrated.
My sis-in-law who was here for Rosh Hashona (yay for family being close!) told us about a family in Israel that she helped that was really neglected. No baths for the kids, no real meals, no clean clothes etc.
The article talked about if your kids aren't neglected, you make 3 meals for everyone, you bathe them, kiss them at night and everyone has clean clothes in the morning - THAT is accomplishing!! Made me feel so good, BH my children are taken care of. Ok, so the house won't get clean until they move out, dishes can sit for days (don't tell...) and all those house projects are just ideas... but my kids are taken care of!! They are loved and clean and (hopefully) having a wonderful childhood!
It was so enlightening to realize that. I am doing a great job, despite my to-do lists suffering....
I wanted to share this article that enlightened me last week.
Someone wrote a letter that she made a to-do list every day, yet only got maybe one or nothing done each day. This threw her off and always made her feel so frustrated.
My sis-in-law who was here for Rosh Hashona (yay for family being close!) told us about a family in Israel that she helped that was really neglected. No baths for the kids, no real meals, no clean clothes etc.
The article talked about if your kids aren't neglected, you make 3 meals for everyone, you bathe them, kiss them at night and everyone has clean clothes in the morning - THAT is accomplishing!! Made me feel so good, BH my children are taken care of. Ok, so the house won't get clean until they move out, dishes can sit for days (don't tell...) and all those house projects are just ideas... but my kids are taken care of!! They are loved and clean and (hopefully) having a wonderful childhood!
It was so enlightening to realize that. I am doing a great job, despite my to-do lists suffering....
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Goodbye Mom-Mom
Today I said goodbye to one of my favorite people ever - Mom-Mom - my grandmother. It's hard to believe that she's not really here anymore. It was an emotional day, besides for the fact that we traveled the entire day, also that 3 of my children are spending the night with different people in Providence.
We left at 7:30, and got to the ceremony at 1:15. In the midst of driving, I realized that we had taken the kids' 3 overnight bags (including their Friday lunches) with us!! Ahhh... that was a panicking moment, until when we thought clearly, we realized that Hashem had planned that from the beginning. Don't know why, but it was planned. The neighbors still had our key which we gave them the last time we left and never remembered to take from them. Moshe Leib had his special blanket which would've been the most important thing. I had put it in his backpack in case he needed to zone out after school being at someone else's house. BH! The kids had mentioned that they didn't really need their "white noise" machine because they could always ask for a fan. The girls claimed they were too big for their special blankets and didn't care whether they had them... The people they stayed by mentioned that I could make them lunches or not, if I didn't, they would take care of it. Such nice people, strangers whom I felt totally awkward asking to take some of my kids overnight. So we started turning around, saw the traffic and spent a half hour getting back on the road.
The ceremony was heart breaking. My father, Mr. Non Emotional got up to speak and cried during most of his speech. (This was my last remaining grandparent - his mom.) Then my first cousin, oldest grandson spoke and talked all about some of my earliest memories of Mom-Mom.
Mom-Mom was the most special person ever. She wore a necklace of all of her grandchildren - 7 of us, plus all of our spouses - another 7. Then every time she had a new great grandchild, she added another charm - BH she died having 27 great grandchildren (when most of her friends had maybe 1 or 2). She was so happy with that. (That's what happens when your son becomes religious!)
She spoiled me rotten, since I was a kid. Gave me everything I ever wanted. Every Chanukah when she came to visit, she gave me and all my 5 siblings 8 gifts each!
When we visited her house in Cherry Hill, NJ every summer, the first thing I'd do is go to the bathroom and just stand there an inhale the smell of her house. I knew we were in for pure pleasure for an entire week! Every meal she made tasted ten times better than when other people made it. Shabbos cereal for every breakfast and some sort of extra special lunch too, like real grilled cheese in a pan, garlic bread made exactly right... her food was just awesome. I have loads of her recipes that I make all the time and they are always family favorites.
She played games with us all the time, took us swimming or on trips daily, had huge BBQs at night in our favor... In the morning, we'd climb into her bed and listen to her story telling. We woke her up, but she was always excited to see us, so happy to have us over and laid in bed telling us stories all morning long. (My mother looked forward to these visits for the break she got and the mall trip she got to take all by herself!) Ah, I just have so many fond memories of our visits to her house.
Anyway today was just mainly driving because the cemetery was about an hour away, it was pouring rain most of the time, which fit the mood great and then an hour back to my cousin's house where family and friends of my relatives just poured in. My immediate family clung to the side and ate our own personal kosher food in the corner, but so many people came over to tell us their memories of Mom-Mom. Mom-Mom is just one of those people that is so easy to talk about, she was such a character. She talked her mind and bossed us around but loved us so much that it just didn't matter. She had soo many friends too. Two people came over to me separately to tell me how Mom-Mom called them very often after their mom passed away, to be there for them. Her own mother passed away when she was very young and she lived with a mean stepmother for many, many years.
She was also beautiful inside and out until almost the last day of her life. She got her hair done every single Friday, no matter how sick she or her hairdresser was. She taught us that without makeup or jewelry, you are naked! She was fancy and always dressed to the nines.
In the last week of her life, she was getting weaker and weaker, due to a blood disorder and she was someone who always said that if she couldn't live life fully, we should shoot her. So she sort of "checked out" for about a week and was not responsive at all.
Two weeks before that, the day before her slow decline, my family and I got to visit her. We had a real visit, we got to see her new apartment that she spent about a year fixing up just right, she gave us ice cream and handed out so many presents to my kids! We hugged her, sat with her and got to really see her. The next day we stopped off for a quick hug before we left back to Providence. That hug was the last one I got to give her and I will be forever grateful that we went back for that last quick goodbye.
She was also my daily phonecall and she will be missed by so SO many people. She was just our everything and we loved her so much. Everyone was her favorite.
thanks for taking the time to read this:)
We left at 7:30, and got to the ceremony at 1:15. In the midst of driving, I realized that we had taken the kids' 3 overnight bags (including their Friday lunches) with us!! Ahhh... that was a panicking moment, until when we thought clearly, we realized that Hashem had planned that from the beginning. Don't know why, but it was planned. The neighbors still had our key which we gave them the last time we left and never remembered to take from them. Moshe Leib had his special blanket which would've been the most important thing. I had put it in his backpack in case he needed to zone out after school being at someone else's house. BH! The kids had mentioned that they didn't really need their "white noise" machine because they could always ask for a fan. The girls claimed they were too big for their special blankets and didn't care whether they had them... The people they stayed by mentioned that I could make them lunches or not, if I didn't, they would take care of it. Such nice people, strangers whom I felt totally awkward asking to take some of my kids overnight. So we started turning around, saw the traffic and spent a half hour getting back on the road.
The ceremony was heart breaking. My father, Mr. Non Emotional got up to speak and cried during most of his speech. (This was my last remaining grandparent - his mom.) Then my first cousin, oldest grandson spoke and talked all about some of my earliest memories of Mom-Mom.
Mom-Mom was the most special person ever. She wore a necklace of all of her grandchildren - 7 of us, plus all of our spouses - another 7. Then every time she had a new great grandchild, she added another charm - BH she died having 27 great grandchildren (when most of her friends had maybe 1 or 2). She was so happy with that. (That's what happens when your son becomes religious!)
She spoiled me rotten, since I was a kid. Gave me everything I ever wanted. Every Chanukah when she came to visit, she gave me and all my 5 siblings 8 gifts each!
When we visited her house in Cherry Hill, NJ every summer, the first thing I'd do is go to the bathroom and just stand there an inhale the smell of her house. I knew we were in for pure pleasure for an entire week! Every meal she made tasted ten times better than when other people made it. Shabbos cereal for every breakfast and some sort of extra special lunch too, like real grilled cheese in a pan, garlic bread made exactly right... her food was just awesome. I have loads of her recipes that I make all the time and they are always family favorites.
She played games with us all the time, took us swimming or on trips daily, had huge BBQs at night in our favor... In the morning, we'd climb into her bed and listen to her story telling. We woke her up, but she was always excited to see us, so happy to have us over and laid in bed telling us stories all morning long. (My mother looked forward to these visits for the break she got and the mall trip she got to take all by herself!) Ah, I just have so many fond memories of our visits to her house.
Anyway today was just mainly driving because the cemetery was about an hour away, it was pouring rain most of the time, which fit the mood great and then an hour back to my cousin's house where family and friends of my relatives just poured in. My immediate family clung to the side and ate our own personal kosher food in the corner, but so many people came over to tell us their memories of Mom-Mom. Mom-Mom is just one of those people that is so easy to talk about, she was such a character. She talked her mind and bossed us around but loved us so much that it just didn't matter. She had soo many friends too. Two people came over to me separately to tell me how Mom-Mom called them very often after their mom passed away, to be there for them. Her own mother passed away when she was very young and she lived with a mean stepmother for many, many years.
She was also beautiful inside and out until almost the last day of her life. She got her hair done every single Friday, no matter how sick she or her hairdresser was. She taught us that without makeup or jewelry, you are naked! She was fancy and always dressed to the nines.
In the last week of her life, she was getting weaker and weaker, due to a blood disorder and she was someone who always said that if she couldn't live life fully, we should shoot her. So she sort of "checked out" for about a week and was not responsive at all.
Two weeks before that, the day before her slow decline, my family and I got to visit her. We had a real visit, we got to see her new apartment that she spent about a year fixing up just right, she gave us ice cream and handed out so many presents to my kids! We hugged her, sat with her and got to really see her. The next day we stopped off for a quick hug before we left back to Providence. That hug was the last one I got to give her and I will be forever grateful that we went back for that last quick goodbye.
She was also my daily phonecall and she will be missed by so SO many people. She was just our everything and we loved her so much. Everyone was her favorite.
thanks for taking the time to read this:)
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Find the happiness within... BE CREATIVE!
One week away from school starting... I'm not even sure how many weeks we had at home this year, definitely more than any other summer. I know I am a stay-at-home mom person and I value having my children around me and me being their sole caregiver, HOWEVER I am just not creative. Too much organization takes away from creativity. And having this age range of kids at home for so long is just draining. We don't have a car, (which I can blame it on as much as I want, because I probably wouldn't drive them too many places even if I did!), we don't know of too many places or know too many people, so we are just home, home, home.
Hashem gave me a huge bracha of a person that I became close with - yes, it's none other than Seminary girl herself. Throughout my Mommy camp, I had this background texting of constant inspiration and humor to have and it helped me be able to do this tremendous undertaking (Yes, of taking care of my own children!) but now alas, she left back to Israel and suddenly I'm realizing how much she had helped me get through these days. All of a sudden, there's no one to text "ahhhhh I can't do this!" to. There's only so much my mother wants to hear from me, when five of her other children are texting her similar things:)
Last night I suddenly realized, happiness has to come from within. We can't always rely on outside sources to make us happy. Sometimes we do and when that outside source is taken away, we don't know how to deal with it. It's like empty-nest syndrome in a way. Who will we be when our children are all grown up and don't need us anymore? Do I need to be needed all the time? I definitely AM needed by 3 little ones, but it's nice to be needed by an adult who can communicate more than just her needs.
This is what Mommy Camp feels to me now. Like long days of everyone being creative, but leaving their creative trails of everything around them. As much as I try to teach them to put things away, it just doesn't work. I am one person, trying valiantly to pick up toys, markers, papers and what-not from every room only to find that the previous room is a mess again. I feel depleted of creativity, absolutely zero ideas left, except to go to Target, spend money and buy every art project they sell. As I don't have a car OR the means to spend that money, that just won't work.
I love my kids and I love having them around. I just wish their days were mapped out by someone else, instead of me. The positive to all this is, I love when my kids have time to be creative and play every single game that pops into their head. During the school year, it hurts me to see their creativity and free time stifled by school and homework. I love that we can work on things together and we can learn to be around each other ALL the time. We learn how we all live, how to be together and really live as a family. That part is nice:)
Hashem gave me a huge bracha of a person that I became close with - yes, it's none other than Seminary girl herself. Throughout my Mommy camp, I had this background texting of constant inspiration and humor to have and it helped me be able to do this tremendous undertaking (Yes, of taking care of my own children!) but now alas, she left back to Israel and suddenly I'm realizing how much she had helped me get through these days. All of a sudden, there's no one to text "ahhhhh I can't do this!" to. There's only so much my mother wants to hear from me, when five of her other children are texting her similar things:)
Last night I suddenly realized, happiness has to come from within. We can't always rely on outside sources to make us happy. Sometimes we do and when that outside source is taken away, we don't know how to deal with it. It's like empty-nest syndrome in a way. Who will we be when our children are all grown up and don't need us anymore? Do I need to be needed all the time? I definitely AM needed by 3 little ones, but it's nice to be needed by an adult who can communicate more than just her needs.
This is what Mommy Camp feels to me now. Like long days of everyone being creative, but leaving their creative trails of everything around them. As much as I try to teach them to put things away, it just doesn't work. I am one person, trying valiantly to pick up toys, markers, papers and what-not from every room only to find that the previous room is a mess again. I feel depleted of creativity, absolutely zero ideas left, except to go to Target, spend money and buy every art project they sell. As I don't have a car OR the means to spend that money, that just won't work.
I love my kids and I love having them around. I just wish their days were mapped out by someone else, instead of me. The positive to all this is, I love when my kids have time to be creative and play every single game that pops into their head. During the school year, it hurts me to see their creativity and free time stifled by school and homework. I love that we can work on things together and we can learn to be around each other ALL the time. We learn how we all live, how to be together and really live as a family. That part is nice:)
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