Reflective Mommy Conversations

And today's Reflecting Mommy Questions are featuring:



The Young Moms in their twenties:


SUPERMOM WANABE and WONDERFUL MOM


The middlie Moms are:


EVERYBODY'S MOMMY, MARATHON MOM, SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE and the I GOT THIS MOM.


And our one veteran older and experienced mom:


LIBRARY MAMA



First Question: If you could have a Mommy Superpower, what would it be?



SUPERMOM WANABE: I would like to be like "Bewitched", cuz then I can get the house cleaned and food cooked with one little twitch of my nose.



WONDERFUL MOM: The ability to function without sleep, it would give me so much more time to get things done and keep me feeling sane.



EVERYBODY'S MOMMY: I'd like to be in two places at once for moments like, "Can I have a drink?" and "Can you help me with my homework?" at the same time. Or picking the kids up from school and staying home without having to wake up the baby at the same time. Or go to sleep but also hang out with Hubby at the same time.



MARATHON MOM: I'd create a calm, happy and respectful home. Peaceful with no fighting or crying.



SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE: The ability to put babies to sleep with the snap of a finger. Also I'd be really fast, like The Flash. That way my house would be clean and everything on my to-do list would actually get done.



I GOT THIS MOM: I'd be able to move things without having to get up, like The Force.
 

LIBRARY MAMA: I'd go back in time so that I could get up earlier the second time around.





Second Question: What part of the day is so challenging that if you could, you'd hire someone to do it for you and be able to just skip it?



SUPERMOM WANABE: The part of the day where I have to get all my kids into the house after their respective buses drop them off at different times and they suddenly pretend that they can't do the two flights of stairs to get to our house.



WONDERFUL MOM: The late afternoon/evening. After the baby's nap but before bedtime, when it's too dark and cold to go anywhere and we're stuck at home with me trying to come up with ways to entertain a cranky toddler.



EVERYBODY'S MOMMY: Definitely mornings! Everybody needs me at the same time, everybody wakes up in their bad moods. I'd love to sleep in and wake up past breakfast time and everybody is already dressed with their teeth brushed.



MARATHON MOM: Supper time is the most challenging, the kids are picky eaters and as hard as I try, they don't always want to eat what I made. It's also everybody's crankiest time of the day (I try to feed them as soon as they come home from school). They tend to cry if their spoon fell, or if they got a fork instead of a spoon. The kids argue over where to sit and which CD to listen to and if someone is sitting too close to them or they fight over the box of cereal they want to look at while eating... I wish someone could take over that part of the day!!



SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE: Basically from about 4pm until 7:30pm. Dinner prep and bedtime are the worst. By that time of the day I am tired and the baby is fussy and it's dark outside so early lately which is depressing.



I GOT THIS MOM: Dinner/bedtime/homework time.. maybe I'd rather do it myself so I could be alone when I yell;)



LIBRARY MAMA: Bedtime. By then... I am wiped out. But then again... sometimes those are the times when I get the most connection with the kids.





Third Question: What part of the day could you just do all day long?



SUPERMOM WANABE: Sleep probably. But at some point, I would have to get up to eat.



WONDERFUL MOM: Playing with my child when he's in a good mood, reading together with him.



EVERYBODY'S MOMMY: Sit and hold my baby while she snuggles into me.



MARATHON MOM: Cuddle with the kids, listening to how their day was.



SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE: Mornings are nice, the baby is happy and we go out for a walk usually. I like mornings, because I still have the whole day ahead of me.



I GOT THIS MOM: The peace after the crazy time, it's so relaxing.



LIBRARY MAMA: The snuggles in bed. The times when they are telling me all of the things.





Fourth Question: What are some shortcuts that you take?



SUPERMOM WANABE: I give my baby bottles at night and I let the kids sleep in mine and husband's bed at night cuz it takes too long to go put them back.



WONDERFUL MOM: I don't give baths every day.



EVERYBODY'S MOMMY: Baths only two times a week. I stopped putting my older kids to bed, now they go by themselves. I don't interrupt the older kids to spend time with them before bed if I see that they're busy. Instead of asking my kids to help by setting the table or something, I say 'Here take the baby' and I do it myself.



MARATHON MOM: We eat the same dinner two nights in a row. I let the kids watch videos on Fridays so I can prepare for Shabbos.



SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE: I buy the baby food that comes in packets and I just give those to the baby if I don't know what to make or if I want to get stuff done. Then she can walk around and eat it on her own. But lately she's been enjoying squirting them everywhere. Also, we have a dog. That takes care of a lot of cleanup. I've decided that as long as there is a baby, we have to have a dog. My floors would be disgusting otherwise.



I GOT THIS MOM: Easy suppers.



LIBRARY MAMA: I don't look at my floor! I buy prepackaged stuff like shredded cheese and presliced veggies.





Fifth Question: What are some things that have pushed you to have more kids?



SUPERMOM WANABE: Looking at that picture of somebody who died in this magazine, with seven white bearded rabbis sitting shiva for their father. Made me think, maybe those can be my kids one day!



WONDERFUL MOM: The thought that I get to raise a neshama (soul) that Hashem wanted to put into my hands to take care of.



EVERYBODY'S MOMMY: When I read about families with lots of kids and when I watch my own kids play so well with all of their siblings.



MARATHON MOM: I don't feel pushed or pressured to have more kids. Boruch Hashem we're happy with what we have. Being very busy with our bunch now doesn't allow me to feel any pressure.



SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE: Honestly age is a big factor because we started having kids later than most people. Also I'd rather have my kids now, instead of when I'm 40+. My body and mind can handle it now but I don't know how it would be later. I might go insane. Although mommying can be very hard and I joke about how hard it is all the time, it is very, very rewarding. This is what drives me the most to want to have more children.



I GOT THIS MOM: When I melt when I see a newborn.



LIBRARY MAMA: I love love love little babies and toddlers. I want two more but alas it is too late so I make do with other people's kids:)





Sixth Question: Besides for money, what is holding you back from hiring a full-time nanny?



SUPERMOM WANABE: My kids probably wouldn't listen to the nanny anyway. And the nanny probably would never bathe them or fold laundry or the clean the "right" way.



WONDERFUL MOM: I want to see all the milestones and accomplishments that happen in my child's life on a daily basis.



EVERYBODY'S MOMMY: Because I read a book and learned that it's best for children to be with their mother all the time.



MARATHON MOM: Privacy. She would know everything that goes on since she'd be living in the house. But if money wasn't an issue, we could get a seperate house for her. Then I would definitely hire someone.



SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE: Your kids become who they are around most. I want to raise my kids my way and I want them to learn from me. Plus I don't trust other people so much. I would however totally hire a housekeeper and a personal chef if we were ridiculously rich.



I GOT THIS MOM: Lack of privacy.



LIBRARY MAMA: I think it's important to be involved in all of it, not just the good parts. The hard parts are what make the good parts extra sweet.





Seventh Question: What are some moments that make you proud, give you nachas and make you reflect on your children?



SUPERMOM WANABE: When my kids have intelligent conversations with eachother or when a stranger comments "wow" about my children.



WONDERFUL MOM: When my child reaches a new stage of development, says a new word, or reaches a new milestone.



EVERYBODY'S MOMMY: When all my kids play together, laugh together and I am doing my own thing while watching them.



MARATHON MOM: When I listen to my kids tell over something they learned in school. Or when they bring home "nachas notes", and when they play and talk nicely together. When they learn and do a new skill that they just learned, like potty training, learning to write, read or talk a certain way...



SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE: When people tell me how alert and smart my baby is. Also when they say how cute she is. I know that's silly but I love it. I'm also proud when she reaches her milestones early. When she gives me kisses and hugs, it's so nice to have a baby that interacts. At first they don't and that was really hard for me because I didn't know what to do with her or if I was even doing anything right.



I GOT THIS MOM: When the kids are well-behaved and when they help others.



LIBRARY MAMA: When I see them being kind to another kid and when I hear them having a perspective on the world that is about justice and peace.





Eighth Question: What do you love about being a Mommy?



SUPERMOM WANABE: The feeling of accomplishment. That when I'm doing nothing (when was the last time that's happened?!) I'm always doing something. Even when I'm taking care of myself, it's a mitzvah, I'm making a better mommy!



WONDERFUL MOM: Being able to impart important values to my child from an early age, helping him to explore the world and to learn new skills. Being called "Mommy" by a cute little person:)



EVERYBODY'S MOMMY: The awe that they have for me and the love and awe that I have for them, those people that came out of me. Pregnancy and birth- experiences that I'd never want to miss out on. A deep need to understand and connect to others, only comes from being a mother. It makes me a better person, to care about others and to give, give, give. To be needed so much.



MARATHON MOM: My kids are the best part, even though it comes along with its challenges.



SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE: I love that my baby loves me and needs me. It can be annoying sometimes, but it's really nice to be so wanted by something so cute. Also watching her mind and body grow and seeing her character traits emerge. The cuddles and there's a lot more I love about it but it's hard to put it into words. It's all the little things, even annoying things because they're good and helping us to grow.



I GOT THIS MOM: I love being the boss.



LIBRARY MAMA: The new way of looking at the world.





And last question: Pet peeves about being a Mommy:



"Kids who have accidents all day and when they say ichy Mommy. When they don't listen and try to escape getting dressed and trying to get everyone onto the bus in the mornings" SuperMom Wanabe




"It gets frusterating when a toddler cries and screams incoherently and you have no clue what they want... they should come with dictionaries." Wonderful Mom



"The mess, the never ending mess. Everyone needing help with everything. There is no guarantee that you'll have a night's sleep when you finally get to bed. The endless washing of dishes and making lunches every day, and of course preparing 3 meals daily for everyone." Everybody's Mommy



"Feeling like I failed when I think over my day. Feeling how I shouldn't have done what I did or wishing I knew the trick that would've helped my child learn to do things differently. Also, KIDS CRYING - it really gets to me and it's very hard to ignore. Also when the house is a mess, I can't think straight and it makes me very nervous! I hate stepping on cracker pieces..." Marathon Mom



"When people make assumptions. Here's one instance: I like to go for walks. If I don't get out of the house, I go crazy. So even if it's cold, sometimes we'll still go. I always try to put a hat and gloves on the baby but she takes them off. It never fails, someone always stops me to comment about how cold it is and where are her hat and gloves. It's not like I don't try!! Also, I thought babies were supposed to sleep. Why doesn't mine?? It's ridiculous. Maybe it's teaching me to be patient and that I can't control everything. And breastfeeding?? It hurt! For the first 6 months at least. Why don't people tell you these things?! Why can't babies be born after a few more months? The first 6 months were so hard!!" Sleepless in Seattle



"When kids throw perfectly clean clothes into the laundry instead of putting them away." I got this Mom



"Always feeling pressured for time and it never being good enough." Library Mama

No Guilt! No Guilt! No Guilt!

I just gave advice to two people, so right now I'm feeling all psyched about my non guilt feelings. On Friday I texted my friend who's told me a time or two that I'm her Mommy Hero. I wrote "Your Mommy Hero is doing her Shabbos dishes on Friday!" (That's last Shabbos I'm talking about.) Then my sister mentioned dishes yesterday on Sunday. Her mother in law came over and asked if those were her Shabbos dishes sitting there dirty and my sister was mortified. She asked if I would be. And I thought about it and realized, No, I wouldn't be. I didn't get a chance to do the dishes. Oh well. And I didn't get a chance on Monday or Tuesday either. I saw them and I wanted to do them but didn't. Maybe if I was napping or sitting online all day, I'd feel guilty, but as it is, I'm not! I'm doing very important other things instead!
If we are always trying our best, and always feeling good about what it is we're doing, there is no reason to feel bad about not getting basic things done.
Yesterday was Sunday. Sundays are hard and long, most of the time. I am not used to having all the kids home all the time, with their different creative ideas and needs and fights and by the time I get them into bed, I usually feel a bit drained. So I had a lot to do but then I saw this birth stories book that I was in middle of and I saw my Dove chocolates sitting there and I said, "Just finish one story and eat one piece of chocolate." And then, why not? A few more and a few more stories, it's okay, I'm allowed to, I had a hard day. And when I was done, I did not feel one ounce of guilt. Because it's okay to take Mommy breaks, why should we push ourselves if we need some down-time? So despite me taking downtime, like to blog for instance, or to sit and eat and not run around eating, or to talk to our husbands and maybe listen to them for a good hour when they need to talk - those are still considered "doing things." If the dishes didn't get done because I was busy enjoying my chocolate, that's okay and I will not feel bad about it!

Back to inspiration

This may come as a surprise to some of you, but my husband and I watch a movie on occasion. We saw one recently that had such a great lesson to it. It's called "About Time". It's about this boy who turned 21 and his father revealed to him that the men in his family have always been able to go back in time. They step into a closet, think about when they want to go to, clench their fists and they're there.
Towards the end, the father gets cancer and is going to die. He talks to his son and asks him if he wants to know what the father has figured out about happiness in life, or would he like to figure it out himself. The son says to tell him, to help him get there faster (son is married with 2 kids by then). The father teaches him to live each day twice. The first day you actually live it and then you go back and relive it a second time, but the second time, you notice more. Since you already lived it, you know what's going to happen, so now he can relive it and touch it up.
The son does this for awhile and by the end he says he took the happiness thing a step further. Now he only lives each day once, - AS IF it's his 2nd time around.
This is an awesome way to live. If you watch him repeat his day over, you can see how he enhances his day by letsay letting his wife sleep in, while he gets up with the kids, he smiles more at everyone, hugs people and tells them he loves them... all those things we would love to do - but just get caught up in life too much and forget to.
When I woke up today, I thought - imagine this was my 2nd time reliving this day and I got to fix up the small things, what would I do? I wouldn't have poured my daughter her cereal, so I could've warded off the tantrum she had after that. I wouldn't have brought up the topic of school with my son, maybe his morning would've been smoother. I would've driven the kids to school instead of walked, to avoid the kvetches, the freezing cold weather and the crying baby. I would've relaxed about when to put Penina down for a nap and not wondered all morning if she was tired or not. I would've called my friend 2 minutes earlier so as not to have missed her phonecall while putting Penina down. There's so much I could fix up if I got to repeat today. It's interesting to try to live today as if it's the second time around - think about it!


One more inspirational thought. This week I've been thinking about the line "MAKE it a great". Instead of sitting around and waiting for the good moments in life to come around - make them all great! I was about to make lunches for the next day, and I hate doing that - then I saw my reminder - MAKE it a good one. So I turned on my favorite speaker and suddenly making lunches wasn't so bad! When Menucha was grumbling about her math homework and annoyed that she had one more page to go - I taught her - let's not wait for more fun homework, let's make this one fun! And it worked.. That's such a strong concept (thank you Seminary Girl) to make things great, instead of waiting around for the good parts of life.

additional video

BTW there was a video attached to the last post that didn't seem to come out in the E-mail. If you go to the actual site (providencegallor.blogspot.com) and go to the end of the previous post, you'll see it.

Gallor kids update

 

Some people have been asking me for updated pictures recently. As we have no camera, no smartphone and no normal computer in the house, this has been a bit of a challenge but I here is what I could get from Shaul's work "surface".

This is Rochel Miriam, age 9. She is currently in 4th grade and is loving the social aspect of it. Lately she is on the phone most of the time while she's at home. She's been calling all her old friends in Seattle just to talk, or sometimes some cousins. She loves to talk, so luckily she figured out that calling people is a great way to do this. She is wonderful with little children around ages 3 and 4 and is idolized by some of the neighborhood children. Her favorite activities are writing imaginary and creative stories, and hanging out with friends.

This is Menucha (Leah), age 8. She is currently in 2nd grade. She is doing amazing academically in school, becoming a really advanced reader. She reads in all her spare time (and in her non-spare time too.). She loves little babies and wants to borrow everyone's babies just to play with them. She is having a hard time making friends in her age group, but does really well with 4th-6th graders and has been known to invite a much older girl over to hang out with. She is a huge help at home and is always worried about her Mommy and Tatty feeling good or doing too much. Her favorite activities are reading and playing with babies.

This is Moshe Leib, age 5. He is a happy, jumpy, excited boy. He is currently in PreK 4 in school. He LOVES his teachers and being with his friends. He goes to speech twice a week for a severe stutter, which he doesn't seem to mind one bit. He loves being with friends, practicing his letter writing and wearing his watch and announcing the time to everyone. He also loves music and performing and is constantly asking everyone to watch his shows. He dresses up in suits and ties and uses his toy microphone and either sings or talks to the audience. His favorite things to do are interacting with his little sister and getting attention from everyone around him.

These are my kids, with our downstairs neighbors, Rus - age 4 1/2 and Chana Miriam - age 7. They are at our house about 85% of the week.

This is Menucha, age 15.

Here is Rochel Miriam with one of her friends from her class, Atara Bielory.

Here is Moshe Leib with Rus from downstairs and his other friend Shmuel Bielory.



Today the older girls and Chana Miriam (from downstairs) made a camp for 2-4 year olds on our block. Here they all are davening together, it was precious to watch and listen to them! The girls really enjoyed it and I enjoyed watching them take care of all those cute kids. At the end they made me write certificates for the 2 most well behaved kids (Rus Karp and Sussy Yudkowsky_ and when Moshe Leib was jealous, Menucha said she'd write him a best little brother card instead. He was a bit difficult for the kids to handle during this camp and when she gave him his certificate, I read: " MOSHE LEIB FOR BEING THE CUTEST LITTLE BOTHER." (Had a good laugh over that one.)

This is Penina, age 15 months. Penina is the family pet. She laughs, sings and plays with everyone all day. She is a great performer, as you will see in the following video. She loves to play with dolls, strollers and really anything. She also loves to be read too, especially if it the book has lots of animal sounds in it. Her favorite activities are kissing mezuzahs and taking walks outside without the stroller. She is very demanding and cute, so it's hard for anyone to say no to her, so she usually is one to get her way.

The longest winter vacation

Generally I like being the inspirational mom who always has great advice and lots of good ideas, but at the moment I feel anything but inspirational. I feel like I need my other moms to tell me that this is normal and they've all gone through the same types of days/weeks.
The kids have been home for about nine days straight now. Of course, I love my children and I don't regret having any of them.. but WOW has this been a week. And it hasn't been my oldest two, BH they have turned into angels. They are helpful when they see me down and they are never in my way. BH they have both grown into very independent, young women. It's my youngest two. I guess that's good, it's only two. Where I live, I constantly see mothers of many, MANY more, so to think that it's only two that are hard for me, is making me feel better already.
They are HARD! Yes, I've experienced annoying little brothers a lot when I was younger and I've seen it in other families, but I have never been a mother of one before! This young boy of mine LOVES to bother everyone, every chance that he gets. His reason he says (for Penina at least) is that she's so cute. And I know it's true because the other day she was pushing him out of the way and instead of getting mad, he laughed at how cute she was being. He just pokes and prods at her all day to get some reaction out of her, probably because she's still too young to play with. My mode of discipline has been time-outs for a long time (I was against them for years until SUPERNANNY came along) and they work for the next hour after he's been in one. It's mainly to reset him and help him realize that there are consequences for misbehaving, but it's almost like he can't help it. I can either give him full attention at every moment, play game after game, read book after book and sit and help him write notes to people (that's what he enjoys lately), or he's turning around poking people, messing their games or getting people to yell at him.
Then my sweet baby has become a "hold me Mommy" baby. She enjoys being home alone and this week has been hard because she's so delicious and all the kids can't keep their hands off her. So she's constantly running to me to save her and follows me everywhere and shoves books in my face to read them to her. She likes to sit on the counter while I cook and help me pour spices into foods, she likes to dangle her feet in the sink while I wash dishes, she likes to count mezuzos around the house at every spare moment and get picked up to kiss them all, she cries at the door of the bathroom when I'm in there and shoves books at me if my eyes close. I feel like I'm bound up and I just can't reach the demands that are out there - get ready for Shabbos, clean the house, set the table for the yeshiva boys that we were having this week, put out the different courses while the men sing and talk, put Moshe Leib to bed, give the older girls any ounce of attention, she's always there demanding that I look at her and talk to her, ONLY. She's really cute, if I read to the other kids, she keeps manually turning my head so that my eyes lock with hers and makes me smile at her.
It would be all be so funny and flattering to see how much my kids want and need me if I didn't need to do so many other things too. Also maybe if there were more of me. I'm only one person and I could use some personal time too, as I have always been a person who needs space.
That's about it:) Please feel free to share with me your stories and moments of craziness, because if all I hear is "Oh, that used to happen to me until I became supermom and figured out the answers to everything" or "Weird, I never feel that way. You shouldn't have had that many kids in the first place", then I will just have to keep those kids home another week until I figure it all out:)

Challah analogy

Yesterday I decided to bake 5 lb. of challah. I bake challah maybe about once a year and I know this is not the norm for a Jewish mother but as I don't have much of an excuse except that I/we like our frozen dough challah better than all homemade challah, I will not elaborate on this subject.
It was an entire day project. I made the dough, with Penina hanging on me. It took a long time, borrowing eggs from a neighbor, holding her while kneading the dough... Then it rose and got punched for most of the day. I only got to braiding it and bracha-ing it about 9pm at night.
It was late and I started trying to braid it. It's a very sticky dough and needed a lot of flour and made a huge mess. Since I don't make challah often, I have no idea how to even go about making it look presentable and braided! Anyway, I trudged through, wondering how on earth women do this every single week and feeling confident with my decision to not have this in my life. It took long, it was messy and I had so much more things on my to-do list.
Hours later, when they were sitting on the dining room table, all 12 loaves glowing and brown - THAT'S when I figured out why people push themselves week after week. It was worth it, to feel the sense of accomplishment, to smell the delicious aroma of fresh-baked challah and to feel womanly and proud of that tedious job!
Today, when I woke up still proud, I realized what a huge lesson in life this is:
Our children! We put so much into them and we don't usually see results right away. We question why, why, why?? How do so many other women do this??? I forgot why I keep putting so much effort into this and why do I keep having so many so close together?! But then, we step back and there they are.. all glowing and brown to perfection. Or even later, when they have their own families and they're laid out on the table for you to be able to take a step back and admire... now THAT'S why I did that!