Mommy - that's me!

I'm still getting the "How do you feel about this move" question. And I still can't answer.

I think the feeling of excitement is a child's emotion. As an adult, with all the responsibility that comes with moving, there's just no room for excitement. Outsiders though, that don't have to think about getting an entire house empty and into boxes may be unable to understand why I don't wake up feeling excited.

With the age and personality of the children that I have, I feel that for about 90% of the day, my hands are tied. Only 10% of my time really feels free to do the things that occupy my brain for 100% of the day and night. I think I am in the middle of the tornado of my life. I used to be a kid and one day I'll be old - but in the meantime the "me" is checked out. From the moment I wake up until the next moment that I wake up, I'm busy being there for everybody in my house. I'm there emotionally, physically and I'm there to listen to all of their thoughts that come pouring out. (That's why this blog is so important to me - haha - I need to be heard too!)

Tonight we went out to eat with the extended family. I was asked, "What would you like to eat?" I thought, "Me?? Who's that?" I figured I'd eat what everybody else orders and can't finish. Who cares? It's all food (which I crave all the time, being the nursing mom that I am) and it's all good. Do you want something to drink? Waters fine - I just need to be hydrated to continue nursing my baby.

I know this is what they warn you about - making sure you find time for YOU - but I'm not sure where to find that time when I choose to be a nursing only mom with no feeding schedule. That means my baby and I can never be too far away from each other for too long. I am her and she is me. And who doesn't want to be a part of Penina? You should see the light in her eyes when she spots me across a room - it's totally worth losing myself over!

Mommies are everything to young children. Maybe to older children too. At least I know my mom is still everything to me. When I call, she better be available! I'm not sure where to fit my own thoughts into this world or even if I care to have them to begin with.